No, not all Christians. And for the record, I still believe in God, although sometimes I wish I didn't.
Let me explain. Last night I commented on a friend's status (it doesn't matter what it was about) and was thereafter notified when someone else commented. Upon reading some of the comments (that were not necessarily directed towards me) I found myself loathing Christianity as a whole. Not God, not Jesus, but the religion in general.
It took me many, MANY years of self-discovery, insight, and humbling myself before I announced myself as an out-of-the-closet Christian. Meaning, I didn't care what anyone thought about me for my beliefs (although, there were times where I was overly defensive).
Fast forward to this year when there were many hot-button issues that were surfaced during the election. My Facebook news feed overrun with "morals" and "if you vote for this person, you are not a christian," "Oh, I feel sorry that you are not morally sound, I will pray for your children".
That last one is not a direct quote, but whatever the exact wording may have been, this was the implication. That was when I became furious.
I'm what I guess you would call a "liberal" Christian. I don't force my children to study the bible (although they like to read it and ask questions). If they have questions about other people's religions or lifestyles, I make sure to let them know that the other people are not wrong, they are simply doing what they think is best for their families, just as we are doing for our family. If they came to us one day and said they chose to be a different religion or they are gay, we wouldn't preach at them or tell them they are wrong. We would simply accept it and move on. I believe that Jesus taught love and tolerance above anything else. Something that is lacking, in my opinion, these days.
I had a someone recently tell me that when his wife says "I love you" during an argument, it's almost always followed by, "But". "
"I love you, but....."
He said that he wished she didn't do that because it felt like it voided the "I love you".
This is how I feel some Christians are about lifestyle choices.
"I love you, BUT I won't tolerate your lifestyle."
I understand that there are some cases where this is honestly the best thing to say, like during an intervention or something.
But, can you imagine hearing that over and over again? It takes it's toll after awhile, y'all.
How can you expect these people to want you in their lives, if you can't accept them as they are?
Okay, so you guys remember my blog about a nagging wife? Well, I feel like no matter how hard I try and no matter how far I've come, I have all of these nagging wives pecking at me from all sides about how I'm damaging my family because I'm not a good Christian.
Well, folks, what happens when you have a wife that nags at her husband, always telling him he's not doing enough, never encouraging or supporting him? He holds resentment and wants to get away from her as fast as possible.
That's where I'm at right now. I want to run as far and as fast as I can. I'm actually LOSING my faith because of people who think they're saving me from my sins. I'm pretty sure that's the opposite of their intent. And I'm sure I'm one of thousand who feel this way.
Do you want to know what finally made me decide to change my heart towards God? Women who lived by example of what I was striving for. They didn't punish me or judge me, they just went about their day secure in who they were. They didn't throw scripture in my face. They taught me the morals of the bible by how they acted, not by damning me.
So, as a former atheist who is now a Christian, let me tell you that the best way of "saving someone" is to just live your life and set an example. Because quite frankly, making people (WHO ACTUALLY DO BELIEVE) feel terrible about themselves is sure not going to change the heart of someone who doesn't believe. Let God work in their hearts. That is NOT your place.
I do expect to get some hate about this, and that's fine. I'm just telling you how I feel about what's going on with me. Thank you for taking the time to read.
*And for future reference, there will be very few blogs about religion on here.*
I think we covered some of this when we had that conversation about religion at Danny and Miranda's. Like you, I've searched over the years for what felt right to me in regards to faith. I've been Baptist, born again, Methodist, Atheist, Wiccan and many shades of grey in between. I think of myself now as a hybrid, or if you prefer a couple good geek terms- I range somewhere between Lawful Neutral and Chaotic Neutral in my belief system. Simply put, I don't know what I believe. I know that I don't have all the answers and I'm open to possibility and what if. Which infuriates some ppl as much or more as saying you're an atheist, Wicca, liberal Christian, etc. I've been told I HAVE to commit to something and that not making a decision is like no decision at all. Which is just more narrow minded thinking in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteBe what feels good to you and let your heart and soul be your guide. Even when I considered myself a true Christian, I never felt that a load of doctrine and a bunch of ancient thou shalts were going to send me to Heaven or Hell. Jesus taught that we should be tolerant, that we should love each other, that we should stand true to ourselves and die for for that if necessary. He was for individual thought and personal responsibility, not collective condemnation and putting yourself on a pedestal above others. Right this minute, I currently feel that 99.9% of the Bible is fiction. However (here's your BUT. LOL) I also feel that it contains a lot of valuable teachings about how we should treat ourselves and those around us and should not be dismissed, even by hardcore atheists for that reason if no other.
Believe what you feel is right Heather. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise or make you doubt your own judgement.
Belle, you put that perfectly!
ReplyDeleteCreepin on your blog today, cousin. I'm POSITIVE I'm gonna post some other comments (the content is great!), but this one gripped my heart. I had to stop. First and foremost, please know forever that I love you and your whole family. Second and then more, please know that I am sorry for the hurt and judgment that has been passed on your character. Character and motives can only be judged by God. Actions CAN be judged (and have to be, actually - murder, theft, etc), but hearts and intents cannot be wholely and completely judged by a human mind. I have suffered much from people who chose to use "religion" as a way to bully me because their actual relationship with God was superficial. It has been very confusing as I was always very conventional in my behavior and followed the "rules" (not just because it was expected but because I wanted God to know I loved Him by the way I made choices in my life). At the first sign of something that required the following of PRINCIPLES (some rules are given, but principles appear more because they ask for your heart not just show), they shunned me. I spent years so, so, so confused. I still often feel a bit out of place in some environments or around particular people or groups because I see so many "rules" being followed...and some of them are for just made up reasons. I'm glad is not like that. I'm glad He's not like that with you, and I'm glad He's not like that with me. He gave us the ability to choose Him..or not...knowing that we would choose ourselves at least one - every one of us, and His broken heart rushed to our aid. He sacrificed His very own self for us - despite our ignorance, despite our ugliness, despite the ruining imperfection that we all choose. He offered us also, Him. The one condition is that we take Him - not take Him and......anything. Just Him.
ReplyDeleteDon't ever lose heart, dear girl. Don't ever give up, but, if you do, if He seems like He's so far away or maybe was never there - go ahead and doubt. Ask questions. Require of Him the proof that He is there, and every, every time, no matter what, He will do it. He loves you more than anything. Never let a prideful liar or the father of lies tell you any different.