Open letter of advice to parents:
Prepare yourself ahead of time:
Prepare yourself ahead of time:
You WILL be "that" parent at the grocery store, soccer game, family reunion at least ONCE in the next five years. Kids are kids and sometimes you can't discipline them using your typical creative ways (so you can save their sweet little hearts the hurt) so you become that heavy-breathing dragon in five seconds flat when your kid acts up for fear of being labeled the "lazy mom/ dad." (We all know one)
Your house will no longer look like Better Homes and Gardens magazine cover after the first year. That first year lulls you into a false sense of security. There are some messes, but it's nothing you can't handle.
Then, one morning, your precious angel wakes up and can sass, climb, open childproof locks, and will ingest anything they can get their dirty, jelly covered hands on.
All "pretties" will be locked away for the next 4 years.
Your beautiful, fluffy carpet will be stained and flattened.
You will go through at least one vacuum or steam cleaner every other year.
You'll be so proud that all the crap is picked up out of the floor that you will forget all about that deep cleaning crap that must be done.
Oops.
Then, one morning, your precious angel wakes up and can sass, climb, open childproof locks, and will ingest anything they can get their dirty, jelly covered hands on.
All "pretties" will be locked away for the next 4 years.
Your beautiful, fluffy carpet will be stained and flattened.
You will go through at least one vacuum or steam cleaner every other year.
You'll be so proud that all the crap is picked up out of the floor that you will forget all about that deep cleaning crap that must be done.
Oops.
Your child will not look picture perfect longer than 15 minutes tops.
Your friend will drop by for a surprise visit and your child will run to the door in only a diaper and will have questionable content all over their face. You're too exhausted to explain that after going through 3 outfits already and having cleaned their face every 10 minutes on the dot for the last two hours, you simply gave up.
You aren't going anywhere, so clothes are optional, and all grime accumulated after 1 pm can be taken care of with a bath before bed.
Your friend will drop by for a surprise visit and your child will run to the door in only a diaper and will have questionable content all over their face. You're too exhausted to explain that after going through 3 outfits already and having cleaned their face every 10 minutes on the dot for the last two hours, you simply gave up.
You aren't going anywhere, so clothes are optional, and all grime accumulated after 1 pm can be taken care of with a bath before bed.
You accept whatever judgement may be passed on you and vow to try harder tomorrow.
Jewelry, makeup, perfume, shampoo, and other boring-to-adults items will soon become the most important and fascinating thing your child has ever laid their eyes upon. No matter how "baby-proofed" you think your items are, those sneaky little toddlers are FAR smarter than we are. It WILL be found and hidden/lost/eaten/painted with/etc.
You'll be safer renting a security deposit box at a bank than keep anything of value to you in your home. They're worse (and just as messy) as a burglar.
You'll be safer renting a security deposit box at a bank than keep anything of value to you in your home. They're worse (and just as messy) as a burglar.
If you're contemplating getting a tattoo to commemorate the wonderful birth of your child, I suggest
getting black outlines of whatever picture you choose. Tricking your
kids into "coloring" your tattoos with WASHABLE (Made that mistake once) markers is much easier this way and it feels. so. good. (If you didn't know about this trick, then you're welcome.)
You will spend hundreds of dollars in that first year on toys that will never really be played with by anyone except your husband and you.
Come on. Babies just lay there unless they're pooping or crying. You spent the money and SOMEONE has to play with it. It's the best way of not judging yourself for still wanting to stare at bright lights and guess what's behind the door in the book.
Come on. Babies just lay there unless they're pooping or crying. You spent the money and SOMEONE has to play with it. It's the best way of not judging yourself for still wanting to stare at bright lights and guess what's behind the door in the book.
At the end of the day, you will look at your sleeping child and regret/ question every single decision that you made in raising them that day. The guilt at times will consume you, but remember this mantra, "No matter how bad today was, you can always try harder tomorrow." That's it. It won't change what happened today, but you can stop yourself from making the same mistakes tomorrow.
If none of this applies to your child, wait to judge me when you have more than one.
If none of this applies to your child, wait to judge me when you have more than one.
And finally, at some point you will look back at your baby shower and cringe when realizing it's a party consisting of your closest family and friends giving you gifts and basically saying, "Yay! You had sex!"
