Crunchy Peanut Butter

"Can we please get cruchy peanut butter this time?"
"Crunchy peanut butter? When did you start liking that?"
"What do you mean? It's always been my preference."
"Then why do we buy smooth?"
"Because you hate crunchy?"
"No! I hate smooth. Crunchy is my favorite, too."
"The last 8 years have been a lie!"

Folks, this was a conversation that Josh and I had at the grocery store this summer.

Eight whole years of buying smooth peanut butter, just to please the other person (or so we thought.)

Some may view this as a sweet moment between us where we sacrificed our own happiness to make sure the other person got what we thought they wanted.

I see this as more of a communication break down between us.

This isn't the first time this has happened.
You see, there have been many times throughout the last few years that we've run across the truth about what the other person likes.

We don't know how this miscommunication happens, but I think it comes down to the kind of people that Josh and I are. We like to please the people that we care about.

Let us go back to the summer of 2005, when Josh and I were just dating. At the time, he liked what I now refer to as "whiny girl music", but is actually called the  emo or screamo genre.

I hate it. It makes me cringe.

I can say that now. Back then, however, I wanted him to like me, so I thought I needed to submerge myself into all of the stuff that he liked. Whether it was his music, style choices, or food choices.

I've always been this person, and so has he. We have our own opinions, but for the sake of any relationship, we tend to keep that to ourselves.

Fast forward to 2014, we are far more comfortable with who we actually are as individuals.

I can tell him that I prefer country music, or that I would rather sit at home and craft with a sappy movie on than go to a concert.

I think that happens to everyone our age, whether they're in a relationship or not.

Our 20's are meant to be the time where we're finding ourselves.
At eighteen (the age Josh and I were when we met), you think you know who you are.
At least until you finally have your own place and you have to stock your refrigerator for the first time.
(I had no idea what I actually liked to eat. I only knew what I could make out of the ingredients in other people's fridges.)

Then, as you get older, there are more specific points where you finally say, "I don't like ____, so why am I doing ____, or buying ____, or hanging out with ____.

It's wonderful and liberating.

But, it's also confusing. Like when you're married and you realize how much YOU'VE changed, you then begin to wonder how much YOUR SPOUSE  has changed as well. It brings forth interesting conversations.

Like what kind of peanut butter you actually like.

As Josh and I approach our 9 years anniversary in less than a month, we've been reflecting on our first 5 years together.
They were hard and although there were fun times, it was more work than anything. We were learning about ourselves and each other (without the falsities in place), adulthood, and how a healthy marriage should work, all while taking care of 401ks, babies, and a mortgage. 

Whew! It was exhuasting!

But now, 4 years later, we know the other one so well, that even as we grow and change as individuals, we know that the other one will be right alongside for the ride and will enjoy (almost) every moment of it.

It's a great time of life for our marriage. It's a comfortable, safe, well-oiled machine. We have put in the work and have the experience, so now, we can sit back and take on life together.

The moral of the story, friends, is that nothing good comes easily. Marriage takes work, determination, love, faith, grace, and forgiveness.

It takes open conversations, honesty, and flexibility.

For your spouse to truly love you, then need to know who you are in that moment, even if who you are changes down the road.

Enjoy the growth. It's what makes us continue to be interesting. It's what fans my flames when I see Josh take up a new hobby or see him assert himself over an issue I didn't even know he was passionate about.

Whew, am I on fire for that man!
*fans self*

Embrace who you are and embrace who you are becoming.

Then do the same for your spouse.

Then bring me some crunchy Peanut butter, because now I'm hungry.

Picture source: http://www.seriouseats.com/2010/09/quiz-how-much-do-you-know-about-peanut-butter.html