Starting Today- I will Try Harder

 I know that this will be one of thousands of blogs written about the Connecticut Elementary school shooting today. There are many different views about how this could have been prevented, but I think we can all agree that this was a tragic, senseless act. 

Josh told me today that he read somewhere that some people are born broken, and some become broken over time. I could not possibly agree more.

My heart absolutely breaks. Sawyer is almost the same age most of those who were lost today. I have sat and imagined all day what those parents must be feeling. The last hugs, the last kisses, the last "Hurry up! We're going to be late for school!" The last one kills me...

I sat and thought about if that had been us. I know how mornings are in our house. I admit, there's lots of yelling and very little listening on all parts. What if that had been how my last morning was spent with my children?

Of course we as parents have short moments with our kids. Patience runs thin and our voices get louder. We're all guilty, no matter how hard we try.
 But days like this, days like this make you stop in your tracks. They make you re-evaluate how you handle things. What if I'm breaking my child with my short temper? Am I breaking their spirit? Am I breaking their souls a little at a time? Of course I am. It happened to me, how could I even deny that I'm somewhat doing the same to them?

Today I will try- try to love with all my heart, try to teach them compassion, try to teach them right and wrong, try to embrace the chaos and just laugh, try to build up their little hearts, try to let them know they matter, try to let them know that at every second they are loved. I may fail some days- but I will try my hardest.

I can't possibly write anymore though I have so much to say. The tears won't stop so it's time to end this.

Prayers are being poured out from our family for the victims, the families, the administration, and the many children who had to grow up too quickly today.

-Heather