Heather and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Night

Have you ever had a day as a parent where you wish someone stepped in to give you a time-out? You can watch the train wreck happening, but can't step out of the situation long enough to get ahold of yourself? You watch your face contort into something the scariest monsters would fear, you hear your voice raise loud enough the neighbors can hear the growling breaths you take between each word, and you can feel the burn of the tears welling up in your eyes.

No?

Well, good for you. Here's your "I'm-the-best-parent-ever"plaque. I'll even burn that quote onto your plaque with the fire I'm breathing tonight. 

Ladies and gents, Heather broke tonight.  

Something snapped inside of me. Iamong other incidents that happened earlier today, this evening I got tired of repeatedly telling the kids to clean the living room, I was ignored when I asked them to quit fighting, I simply got a grunt from Isaiah when I asked him to straighten his desk that I asked him to straighten two weeks ago, I have to caress my too-small dishwasher and speak sweet nothings to it for it to actually clean my dishes most nights... Tonight that didn't work. 

The final straw was when I tripped over the dagnab army gear that my husband still hasn't put away even though it's been a week since he's gotten home from drill. 

I layed face-first in the floor, half-way under the computer chair sobbing for at least 7 minutes. 

But who's counting?

Then... I was so angry... I stopped crying. 

See, my stages of anger goes a little something like this:

1. Snotty shot-taking. 

2. Silent treatment with stomping. 

3. Yelling

4. Yelling and crying

5. Crying alone

6. Silence. Complete silence

7. If-you're-in-the-room-I'll-find-some-reason-to-yell-at-you anger

I was at step 6. 

So you see what was coming next. 

I layed into everyone. When I was done, of course everyone felt awful and nothing was accomplished. I apologized. But I know damage was done. Every time this happens, regardless of who the parties involved are, damage is always done. 

I felt taken advantage of, therefore I felt bitterness towards everyone,  and those are grown up problems, Not problems I need to take out on my kids. 

The worst part of tonight you ask?

Yes, it gets worse. 

No one in my house was surprised by my behavior. 

Have I done this so regularly that they've become desensitized?

Or do they know that I'm just having a bad night?

I choose to believe the latter. 

I do hope tomorrow goes better for sure and that I'm back to my typical peppy self. 

We as parents set the tone of our homes. We absolutely have every right to be upset when things are unfair and one sided. However, we are adults, therefore we must handle these emotions like adults. 

Ouch. I acted just like my kids were acting.

"Hi, my name is Heather, and I'm a hypocrite."

How do you deal with your anger?

What sets you off the fastest?

Who can you talk to when you get angry?