The fork in the road cuts like a knife

I've had some of you kindly remind me that I haven't posted in a good while.

Yes, this is true.

I've been busy because it's summer and- can I be honest?- I've been sort of... going crazy I suppose?

I kind of wish I had about two weeks in a log cabin, tucked away in the pine trees at the top of a mountain, where I heard no noise other than snow falling.

That may be just enough time to figure out what on Earth is going on with me.

If it is even me that's the instigator.

You see, I have a bad habit of blaming myself for everything that has ever gone/ will go wrong in my life.

I have no problem saying, "Oh, yeah. I did this. I acted this way. I'm sorry. I'll change."

Here's the thing.

Sometimes... sometimes I get tired of being the one who usually does the changing... or admits wrong doings... or talks about feelings... or sees that there is a relationship at a fork in the road...

It's exhausting.

I rarely get to a point where I just want to say,
"I can't deal with this right now. Just leave me alone."

I am there right now.

I figure it's time for me to just shut my mouth and my brain up, and let others do the mental heavy lifting for a bit.

I'm still plenty willing to have a dialogue with people, I just don't want to instigate it any longer.

At least not until my mental vacation is over.

Who knows what will happen.

Life is an adventure like that I suppose.

Wish me luck and say a prayer.

Here we go in 3...2...