Rate Me Pls...

 As a youth leader in my church, I've befriended many of the teens in our youth group on Facebook. I love seeing what they're doing and  pictures of them with their families. This helps me to be a part of their lives and them be a part of mine. It's being able to know if they're going through hardships outside of the church setting, where we are available 24/7.

This seems like an amazing thing, right?
Well, of course it is, silly!

However, there's been a trend popping up among every single teen I have befriended: Asking people (sometimes strangers) to rate them.
It ranges from asking people to rate their looks to whether or not they're dateable.

It seems innocent, and yes, I realize that since I'm 28, I "don't get it", and that's probably true.
But dear teens who are reading this, the reason that I "don't get it" is because I've been where you are and I've had "like a million years" to become comfortable with who I am. So, what I don't get, is why are you basing your existence on A) Other people's opinions, and B) Shallow things that are not important in the grand scheme of enter your name here?

Here, let me try an experiment, okay?

I'm going to try and read your mind for a minute.

 Just roll with it.

Let's go over some of the things you might worry about in a day, okay?
Now, I'm specifically going to be speaking with the girls in these details, because, well, I wasn't a teenage boy.

*Are my clothes the right brand?
*Will people find out that my house/car/parent's employment isn't as good as their parents?
*Is my breath okay?
*Did so-and-so see me Saturday in my sweats without makeup?
*Will someone make up a new rumor about me today?
*Do I smell good?
*Where the heck did that zit come from? And will people look at it instead of the rest of my face?
*Should I lie to my parents so I can go do that really fun thing that I KNOW they'll say no to?
*Will people make fun of my religion?
*I don't really want to make fun of someone else, but everyone else is. Maybe I should join in?
* Is my boyfriend looking at another girl?
* If I don't do what he wants, will he find someone else?
*My friends are being weird today. Are they turning on me?
*Maybe I'll blow off studying for that test so I can go do something fun and social.

You get my point, right? Yes, these are things I thought  as a teenager, yes, these may not be your thoughts because I'm a thousand years old and times have changed, and yes, I've always been a people pleaser and have always had confidence issues.

But  you know what?

I was MISERABLE as a teenager, guys!
Would you like to know why? Because I was focused on what other people thought of me instead of what I thought of myself!

However, as a 28 year old woman, that's all changed, because, well, my perspective has changed.

This is where the whole "she doesn't get it" thing factors in.
I had all of those issues and that was before Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr, etc...

I was able to come home after school and surround myself with friends and brush off the rest of the day. You guys have it rough! You not only have to deal with all of these issues at school, but then you come home, log on to the computer, and have to sometimes deal with all over again.

So, here's my question to you:
Why do you need a rating?

You aren't a restaurant, hotel, or business on Yelp.

You are a person. You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Your "rating" should be your opinion of yourself. Plain and simple.

Instead of wondering how you rate, wonder instead about "Did I make a difference to someone today?", "Did I learn something new about the world today?", "Did I learn something new about myself today?", "Did I help someone who needed it today?", "Did I accomplish all that I could today?"

These years for you guys are crucial. You're in survival mode right now. You just try and make it through the day some days. These years are put in place so us "old folks" to help you along, so you can get a lot of things figured out about yourself before being launched into the grown up world.
When we give advice, wanted or not, it's from experience, so you can maybe get through life a little more easily.

Please, Trust us.

And for everything that's good and lovely in the world, stop asking people to rate you.
You're worth so much more than that.

A brand new day

Today is a new day.

Yesterday I let the world know that our family lost another child. 

Yesterday was hard. I had moments where I cried. But as the day went on, I felt stronger. I actually laughed. 

 I felt guilty in the moments that I laughed. 

Who laughs the day after a miscarriage?

I do. 

Like I said previously, this was our fifth miscarriage. We've been here before. It doesn't make it any easier. At all. 

However, this means that I've grieved this situation four previous times. 

I've questioned God, been angry with Him, angry with myself, sad, guilty, basically the whole mish-mash of emotion that come with miscarriage. 

I'm also nearing 28, which mean I've had 28 years to get to know myself. 

One thing that I've learned about myself is that I crack jokes and make others and myself laugh when troubled times engulf us. 

When my grandma was dying I giggled when I remembered how she made me peel the wallpaper off her bathroom wall because it looked like a demon. 

When my grandpa was hospitalized, I was cracking jokes with my cousins while standing beside him. 

After my grandad passed away, my sister and I laughed roariously when we kept finding his multiple cigarette pack stashes. He was sneaky!

All of these examples are extremely innapropriate. I know this. However, I will let you cry if you let me laugh. 

This is how I move on. I feel that sadness is completely normal. I'm sad when I laugh. But laughter makes things seem normal again. It's like music to me. The people that we lose don't want us to be sad forever. 

When I die, I expect you all to wail and cry during my funeral because I'm a drama queen and like the attention. But the second you sit your butts down to nosh all of that glorious post-funeral food that the south is known for, I expect you all to tell the most embarrassing stories about me. I won't haunt you for it. 

Promise. 

My point in all of this is that life moves on. I can choose to move with it or stay stagnant. 

Which kind of water is prettier? 

The kind that is sitting still, algae covered, with Shrek  holed up in the middle? 

Or the clear water that flows through the twists and turns, overcoming rocks and logs in its way?

 I know which I choose. 

I still hurt. 

I still cry. 

I still laugh. 

I still breathe, though it's hard sometimes.

I still live. 

Living is important. It's more than your body continuing to function. 

It's Experiencing. 

I've been laughing with my two kiddos this morning and it's healed me so much. I have life to experience. 

And quite frankly, I just don't want to be sad. 

So if you see me acting normal and laughing, please don't think of me as cold. It's me healing. Respect it please. 

Miscarriage

My friends, last week my husband and I received the joyous news that we were pregnant again.

We were excited and terrified. We had decided earlier this year that our family was complete, so we sold all of our baby and maternity stuff. When we found out the news, we giddily thought of all the things we needed in just 9 short months. 

A month ago, we confessed to each other, that despite our having sold all of our baby possessions, and the fact that all bedrooms in our home are filled already, we both longed for another baby. 

Fast forward to last week. We couldn't believe that we had gotten pregnant that fast. It must have been in God's plan for us since we got pregnant so quickly. I, of course, was worried because we've had four miscarriages, but for some reason, I felt good about this pregnancy. 

Last night, we lost the baby. 

I couldn't even tell Josh. I gave him "the look" and almost burst into tears. I holed up in the bedroom the rest of the night. 

Guilt consumed me. My body failed my baby and I was the sole reason my husband's heart was broken. 

Me. 

I'm the only one responsible. 

Of course I know I did nothing wrong. I know that it was out of my control. 

But was it?

I chose to chance this heart break. I convinced my husband that everything would be fine. 

I lied. 

He was angry. 

Not because he's a douchebag, but because he had to feel. Feeling isn't his forte, and he had lots of feels last night. I was broken and he was broken and he couldn't fix either of us. So all he could feel was anger. 

Of course I was angry at him for being angry. 

But then, something beautiful happened. 

I prayed for peace for both of us. 

I couldn't pray for anything else really. 

Suddenly, the situation was put in perspective and I was able to see Josh's side of things. 

When a pregnant woman miscarries, everyone is sad for her and worried for her, as they damn well ought to be. 

However, people forget that the husband loses a child as well. He is most often forgotten and pushed to the side. 

His heart is broken, yet he has to "remain strong" for his wife as he helps her body heal. He has to cheer her up while he's dying a little inside. 

I was being selfish last night. I expected total sympathy and comfort from him, but wasn't willing to return it. 

I was floored at this revelation. 

I sent him a text because I couldn't talk without crying. 

I told him I loved him and that I would help him through this however he needed me to. 

About an hour later he came in and we just held each other. We said nothing. 

He needed to be remembered.

 He needed to be comforted. 

Men like to be strong, but no one expects them to be strong when they lose a child. 

As for me, I have my moments where I mourn for what could have been here on earth. 

But you know what? My baby never had to live in this broken world. 

He or she got to go straight to a Perfect world. 

How amazing is that?

Please keep us in your prayers as we heal. 

Thanks, y'all. 

Monster Mom

Yesterday was a rough day between parents and kids at our home. 

It was one of those days where you can see yourself becoming a train wreck, yet you can't stop yourself. 

Then you go to bed feeling upset, embarrassed, and guilty.  

This morning I read an entire parenting bible plan in 10 minutes and every single verse hit me in my gut. Especially:  

"Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful and trusting."

Wow. Gut punch. 

I was tearing my children down, betraying their trust in their mom. I was doubtful of their future, and broke any trust they had in me. 

Today is going to be different. Bad habits are hard to break, but breaking this one is crucial. 

I tell you all this embarrassing behavior because I absolutely know I'm not alone. Some days we feel like we're drowning. Some days we feel like we're making mistakes left and right as parents. Some days it feels as though we're losing a war in our homes. 

Parents, we are. 

There is nothing more satisfying to evil than to see families at war with each other. 

The change in our families starts with us. 

I could sit here and preach all day, but I may be the worst offender out there. I will fail some days, but the important thing is that I try. 

Try with me will you, friends?

Our kids have a lifetime to hear what's wrong with them. They'll learn about the cruelty in the world soon enough. Let's create a haven at home for them where they feel safe to talk and express their feelings. 

Challenge yourselves. Challenge your spouse. Challenge your children. 

Because at the end of the day when things get hard, it's your family against the world. 

Heather and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Night

Have you ever had a day as a parent where you wish someone stepped in to give you a time-out? You can watch the train wreck happening, but can't step out of the situation long enough to get ahold of yourself? You watch your face contort into something the scariest monsters would fear, you hear your voice raise loud enough the neighbors can hear the growling breaths you take between each word, and you can feel the burn of the tears welling up in your eyes.

No?

Well, good for you. Here's your "I'm-the-best-parent-ever"plaque. I'll even burn that quote onto your plaque with the fire I'm breathing tonight. 

Ladies and gents, Heather broke tonight.  

Something snapped inside of me. Iamong other incidents that happened earlier today, this evening I got tired of repeatedly telling the kids to clean the living room, I was ignored when I asked them to quit fighting, I simply got a grunt from Isaiah when I asked him to straighten his desk that I asked him to straighten two weeks ago, I have to caress my too-small dishwasher and speak sweet nothings to it for it to actually clean my dishes most nights... Tonight that didn't work. 

The final straw was when I tripped over the dagnab army gear that my husband still hasn't put away even though it's been a week since he's gotten home from drill. 

I layed face-first in the floor, half-way under the computer chair sobbing for at least 7 minutes. 

But who's counting?

Then... I was so angry... I stopped crying. 

See, my stages of anger goes a little something like this:

1. Snotty shot-taking. 

2. Silent treatment with stomping. 

3. Yelling

4. Yelling and crying

5. Crying alone

6. Silence. Complete silence

7. If-you're-in-the-room-I'll-find-some-reason-to-yell-at-you anger

I was at step 6. 

So you see what was coming next. 

I layed into everyone. When I was done, of course everyone felt awful and nothing was accomplished. I apologized. But I know damage was done. Every time this happens, regardless of who the parties involved are, damage is always done. 

I felt taken advantage of, therefore I felt bitterness towards everyone,  and those are grown up problems, Not problems I need to take out on my kids. 

The worst part of tonight you ask?

Yes, it gets worse. 

No one in my house was surprised by my behavior. 

Have I done this so regularly that they've become desensitized?

Or do they know that I'm just having a bad night?

I choose to believe the latter. 

I do hope tomorrow goes better for sure and that I'm back to my typical peppy self. 

We as parents set the tone of our homes. We absolutely have every right to be upset when things are unfair and one sided. However, we are adults, therefore we must handle these emotions like adults. 

Ouch. I acted just like my kids were acting.

"Hi, my name is Heather, and I'm a hypocrite."

How do you deal with your anger?

What sets you off the fastest?

Who can you talk to when you get angry?

Sentence fragments, homeschool, and arguments. Oh my!

First of all, I need to express that this is the first time in months that I'm composing a long body of work that ISN'T an essay.

You know what? 

It feels GOOD. 

Rules are out the window. 

Fragment. 

Fragment. 

Dumb words.

Comma, splice. 

Mwahaha! Take that, English language. Take my abuse!

Okay, reel it in, Heather. 

I promised a post that explained where I've been. 

I've been immersed in college. 

Day in, day out. 

I hate it. 

Absolutely hate it. 

Let me start out with how I got here. 

I was in a stay-at-home mom rut this summer. I was longing for a career and I was absolutely sure that's the direction that God was leading me in. 

No, I didn't pray about it, and no, I didn't put much thought into how it would effect my family life. 

I was planning on waiting until spring to begin classes. I wanted to make sure that this was indeed where I was being led. However, after deciding that it was me procrastinating rather than being cautious, I decided to head up to the college and sign up for classes the Friday before college started. 

My advisor signed me up for Art appreciation, English comp 1, and algebra I, II, and III for the fall semester. 

I explained to him that I really, really struggled with algebra and I only wanted to take algebra I and II, but he said the college prefers students to take the three block. I trusted him even though every fiber of my being was screaming, "Stop!"

Some day I will learn to put my foot down and say no when my gut tells me to. 

I ended up dropping algebra III. That's okay. 

I have no fewer than four homework assignments in my English class weekly. One of those assignments averages 100 questions most weeks. That's on top of the class work and essays.  

I've had to skip my art class (the only class I actually like and want to go to) so I can stay caught up in my other two classes. This has cost me attendance points which has hurt my grade. 

With all this being said, I have decided to change degrees, therefore, none of the classes I'm currently taking count toward my degree. 

So... Yeah. 

I'm still taking my classes seriously and putting my whole heart into them. I feel that it's being respectful to the instructors and education is never wasted. 

I watched a video today about a Pakistani teenager who was shot by the Taliban for speaking out about women deserving education. 

How can I not appreciate being able to earn a degree after watching that?!

So, no matter how much my heart doesn't want to be at school right now, I have been provided with an opportunity to better myself. 

By golly, I'm going to stick it out. 

But here's what is really getting me to a place of wanting to quit. 

I miss my family and I have mom guilt. 

One of the reasons I decided to go ahead and start school now is because Sawyer started kindergarten this year. I figured I would have more time. 

About two weeks into school, we realized that our school system wouldn't be able to provide him with enough challenges and quite frankly, his teacher acted like a few choice words towards him at our parent teacher conference. 

We decided that was the final straw and as soon as he was officially enrolled in an online public school, we yanked him out of that school in the middle of the school day. (This whole story is another post in itself.)

Okay, back on topic. 

We obviously decided to homeschool. Well, that's a task in itself. 

Here is where Josh and I are right now:

I'm homeschooling my son and going to college full time. 

Josh is homeschooling our son and going to college plus working full time. 

We are trying to sort through chores, who fills the gas tanks, who pays the bills, who grocery shops, and who gets to sleep that night. 

Yes, this is where I'm struggling. 

My family needs me. 

All of me. 

Right now. 

And I need them. 

All of them. 

Right now. 

My heart and my calling right now is homemaking and my family. 

I was told by a good friend the other night that one can't deny a calling. 

When you deny a calling, none of the other life pieces for together. 

Yes, friends, this is what's happening. 

Our family life is chaos, and at times, feels like it's hit a wall at 70 mph. 

Josh and I are exhausted. 

We're literally exhausted. 

We're exhausted mentally. 

We're exhausted in our parenting. 

We're exhausted in our marriage. 

The hard thing is: Me going back to school is what has caused this. 

It was the catalyst in a cataclysmic landslide of our family. 

It. Just. Worked. Better. The. Other. Way. 

There is absolutely no denying it. 

For my new readers: 

I'm about to be honest about my marriage. Awhile ago I asked Josh if there was anything he would like me to keep off of my blog. 

His response was, "Who am I to stop something great. Write what's in your heart." 

How awesome is that?

Snaps to Josh.

(Yes, I just referenced Legally Blonde.)

Anyways, The stress reached a peak this week. 

This week is midterms and there were a lot of deadlines. 

Every morning for the last two weeks I have woken up and have been sick to my stomach because of stress. I've averaged about three hours of sleep nightly. Yes, I understand this is typical for college students. However, when you're nearing thirty and have three kids and a husband, all nighters are not that easy. 

Josh and I have bickered, blamed each other over the dumbest things, and have just been avoiding each other. 

Case-in-point of how gnarly it got:

I'm the kind of fighter in my marriage where I need to fix the fight immediately.  I always have been that way. Loose ends drive me crazy and I can't stand anyone being upset with me. 

The other morning, Josh and I got into over something. I can't even remember what now. 

I was tired of crying in front of him so I went to take a shower so I could cry in private. At some point in the shower, my hurt turned to anger. This NEVER happens to me. I always assume I'm to blame, so I tend to apologize incessantly. 

However, something in me snapped. 

When I walked out of the bathroom, Josh apologized quickly. 

I started to walk away (unheard of between us), but then I turned around and said, "I am angry right now. I don't want to fix this right now. I have every right to be mad. We'll revisit this after the kids go to bed. Okay?"

I could have literally scraped Josh's jaw off the floor. 

I never feel justified in my feelings. I'm never in control of the argument. And I certainly never walk away with things unresolved. 

It felt GOOD.

However, this is an example of the extremes that me going back to school has caused  our marriage to go to. 

Not everything that has come out of this experience is bad though. 

I've had to learn to do things alone. I've learned that it's okay for me justify my feelings. I've learned that I'm important to my family. Most of all, I've learned that I'm not as dumb as people have told me in the past. I feel like my grades aren't good enough, but they certainly aren't bad at all. 

We'll see how the rest of the semester plays out. 

Thank you, friends, for sticking through this time with me. 

You are all such a blessing! 

Snaps to y'all. 

Why I'm excited for back-to-school: It's not why you think.

*WARNING: Soapbox session about to commence*

I haven't much thought about what it means when parents say "I'm exhausted! I'm ready for school to start back!"..  Until recently when I had a friend bring it up on Facebook. It just never crossed my mind as an issue. It was something that I heard regularly growing up, so it was just something parents said, right?

Why are parents so excited for school to go back in session? 

Usually the most popular answer is because they're tired and are ready for a break. 

What does that say to your child who overhears it?

"Mom/ Dad can't wait for me to get out of their hair. Am I a burden?"

Most likely they aren't reading into it that consciously. However, some might, and there is that implication behind it. 

You can't really take that statement any other way. 

We as parents made a conscious decision to have our children and raise them. 

Instantly that means we made the decision to make them feel special, important, wanted. If you feel they are a burden, remember, you chose this to be a "burden" you wanted. 

I absolutely have days where I'm like, "I'm so ready for bedtime. I need a reset. Tomorrow will be better." 

See, that's completely different from saying, "I can't handle this much time with my kid and I'm ready to send them off to a public babysitter." 

Okay, okay, that's a bit harsh. But do you see my point?

Like I said, I had never payed attention nor saw it from that perspective until recently. 

No, not all parents are maliciously thinking this. 

I know some who are. Seriously. 

So here are my reasons for why I'M glad my kids are heading back to school. 

1) They get to see old friends and make new ones. 

They certainly don't get to do much of that here with their parents. 

2) They'll have wonderful, influential teachers. 

I wouldn't have thought about this before, but Sawyer's teachers last year changed my mind. 

They will always be his first teachers and I couldn't be happier that they are his first memories of school. 

3) I get one-on-one time with Sofia. 

During the summer I get to spend a lot of quality time with the kids. Before Sawyer went into preschool, I had a lot of special time with just him. We danced, learned, and made memories of just us. It was nice. I'll get to do that with Sofia now. 

4) Those "I missed you" after school hugs are the best. I don't get those in the summer. 

5) I get to hear stories from school. 

There is something about my child sharing stories without me asking that warms my heart. 

6) "Mom! Guess what I learned today!"

He learns things at school that I never would have thought to teach him... And he loves to share. 

7) I get to shop!

Clothes, shoes, backpacks, oh my!

It's neat to see how Sawyer's personality and tastes change from one year to the next. 

8) I love seeing Sawyer become more independent every year. 

He's pretty fearless, but there's always apprehension on a parents part when you just go and drop them off all day without you. 

Seeing him just charge ahead reassures me we're doing something right. 

I'm a little misty-eyed right now, so I'll wrap this post up. 

Our school is back in session on the 19th so we're going to soak up the rest of Summer as much as possible. 

What are some of your favorite back-to-school moment?

Parenting Advice: 5 & Under

Open letter of advice to parents:

Prepare yourself ahead of time:

You WILL be "that" parent at the grocery store, soccer game, family reunion at least ONCE in the next five years. Kids are kids and sometimes you can't discipline them using your typical creative ways (so you can save their sweet little hearts the hurt) so you become that heavy-breathing dragon in five seconds flat when your kid acts up for fear of being labeled the "lazy mom/ dad." (We all know one)

Your house will no longer look like Better Homes and Gardens magazine cover after the first year. That first year lulls you into a false sense of security. There are some messes, but it's nothing you can't handle.
Then, one morning, your precious angel wakes up and can sass, climb, open childproof locks, and will ingest anything they can get their dirty, jelly covered hands on.
All "pretties" will be locked away for the next 4 years.
Your beautiful, fluffy carpet will be stained and flattened.
You will go through at least one vacuum or steam cleaner every other year.
You'll be so proud that all the crap is picked up out of the floor that you will forget all about that deep cleaning crap that must be done.
Oops. 

Your child will not look picture perfect longer than 15 minutes tops.
Your friend will drop by for a surprise visit and your child will run to the door in only a diaper and will have questionable content all over their face. You're too exhausted to explain that after going through 3 outfits already and having cleaned their face every 10 minutes on the dot for the last two hours, you simply gave up.
You aren't going anywhere, so clothes are optional, and all grime accumulated after 1 pm can be taken care of with a bath before bed. 

You accept whatever judgement may be passed on you and vow to try harder tomorrow.

Jewelry, makeup, perfume, shampoo, and other boring-to-adults items will soon become the most important and fascinating thing your child has ever laid their eyes upon. No matter how "baby-proofed" you think your items are, those sneaky little toddlers are FAR smarter than we are. It WILL be found and hidden/lost/eaten/painted with/etc.
You'll be safer renting a security deposit box at a bank than keep anything of value to you in your home. They're worse (and just as messy) as a burglar. 

If you're contemplating getting a tattoo to commemorate the wonderful birth of your child, I suggest getting black outlines of whatever picture you choose. Tricking your kids into "coloring" your tattoos with WASHABLE (Made that mistake once) markers is much easier this way and it feels. so. good. (If you didn't know about this trick, then you're welcome.)

You will spend hundreds of dollars in that first year on toys that will never really be played with by anyone except your husband and you.
Come on. Babies just lay there unless they're pooping or crying. You spent the money and SOMEONE has to play with it. It's the best way of not judging yourself for still wanting to stare at bright lights and guess what's behind the door in the book. 

At the end of the day, you will look at your sleeping child and regret/ question every single decision that you made in raising them that day. The guilt at times will consume you, but remember this mantra, "No matter how bad today was, you can always try harder tomorrow." That's it. It won't change what happened today, but you can stop yourself from making the same mistakes tomorrow.

If none of this applies to your child, wait to judge me when you have more than one.

And finally,  at some point you will look back at your baby shower and cringe when realizing it's a party consisting of your closest family and friends giving you gifts and basically saying, "Yay! You had sex!"

DIY: Good Deed of the Day Dry Erase Board

The other day Sawyer and I had a challenge to see who could do the most good deeds and make the most people happy. We of course both won because who loses when you're helping other people?

Well, that inspired me to come up with a homemade dry erase award to hang in the kids' room to remind them of the great things they did that day.

It was a Dollar Store project and set me back $3 per project.

I started out with a picture frame. Nothing fancy and both glass or plastic are perfectly fine.
Next, I got decorative printer paper that had a cute border.
I printed " Good Deed of the Day" on the paper using the landscape option.
Then, I simply replaced the store picture with my new personalized paper.

At the end of the day, sit with your kiddos and have them remember some good deeds they did that day. Write them on the glass with a dry erase marker.

I have to tell you that as I was making the list for Sawyer, he started wanting more deeds to put on the list, so he picked up the living room, put away his shoes, and picked the throw pillows up off the floor.
It seems that the encouragement is already starting to work. Good luck!

Happy crafting!
-Heather

I swear I could NOT get an un-blurry picture of this thing!

The Ten Commandments of Irritation

Would you like to know what the best cure for a nagging wife/mom/sister is?

DO WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO.

Most of the time I absolutely LOVE being a stay-at-home mom. I work really hard to make my family's life flow easily, to make a nice, clean home for them to live in, to decorate the house to create a peaceful environment, blah blah blah. But how peaceful is it going to be when I'm nagging all the time?

Not peaceful at all.

When it was just Josh and Sawyer here with me, I didn't mind cleaning up messes and organizing. I loved cooking and doing the laundry. Heck, I used to wash curtains just to have something to do! Fast forward a year-and-a-half later, Sawyer is older and makes much larger messes, Sofia is older and making messes, and Isaiah is a teenage boy... need I say more? I do need to say he doesn't really make messes and he cleans his own laundry and room. You'll see his list in a few.

Hold on, let me go get my bowl of Kix with chocolate chips... This is gonna be a bumpy ride.

There are Ten solid rules that no matter how hard I try, they feel they must live by. So here are our Ten Commandments.

1. Thou shall fill up any open space on shelves, coffee tables, dressers, desks, etc...

This is a pet-peeve to the max for me. It's something we've struggled with since day one of our marriage. But here's the thing, I've realized it's not just Josh. It's the kids too!
"Hey, look at this beautiful shelf with home decor and color coded books! It's the perfect place to dump all of my crap!" I grew up in house with lots of extra stuff, so clutter drives me crazy! I don't even know what to do with half of Josh's stuff. He has (last I counted) 8 pocket knives. What do I do with those? Not to mention the screwdriver, watches, packs of gum, trash, receipts, and other crap. It's too much! There's a place for all of those things! And the kids.... Apparently toys don't belong in their rooms in the toy boxes that are available. Nope, they go on the coffee table.

2. Thou shall throw all laundry anywhere but the hampers.

I have to admit, I do it too, but I'm also the one who cleans up the messes. I know, "lead by example", but I have to lead by example so much, I figure I should get some slack with laundry.
I find laundry under the couch, in bathroom floors, under beds, once I even found clothes in the freezer. (I'm guessing Sofia did that.) If a hamper is not available, make a pile where the hamper usually sits.

3. Thou shall half-ass all homework and chores.
I understand hating homework and chores as a teen. Hell, I still do. However, they are necessary  evils. If I ask you "Did you do your homework?" what I mean is, "Did you do all of your homework, to the best of your ability, don't lie to me." Also, chores.... If you know I'm going to check, wouldn't you do it right the first time? Or at least not lie about doing it? YOU KNOW I'M GOING TO CHECK! You're going to get caught! I don't understand it.

4. Thou shall proceed to flip out at Heather if something gets lost.
Here's the thing... If YOU lost it, I can't guarantee I'll find it. I'm not in charge of your phone, toy, homework, etc.... I already have enough to do besides find your stuff.

5.Thou shall hover over the cook in anticipation of food.

Back off... I'll let you know when dinner's done. I always have, I always will. Company in the kitchen is welcome, but do not get within 3 feet of me. ( Unless it's for a hug or kiss. I never get tired of those.)

6. Thou shall yell at the person who wakes you up in the morning.
I don't want to wake anyone up in the morning unless I have to. I would rather let everyone sleep while I drink my coffee and blog or watch my shows. I'm doing my family a favor by making sure they get to their respective places on time. I cringe when I flip the boys light on because Sawyer yells almost every morning and Isaiah gives me the go-to-hell look. I would rather throw a pillow at Josh and run, then leave the house for an hour so he can wake up. I have NEVER met a person who hates mornings so much. I try and wake everyone up in the nicest, calmest way possible, but when I'm telling you for the third time to get up, I lose my patience. So, can you guys just make it easier on me, please? After all, the only thing I'm asking you to do is wake up.

7.Thou shall get annoyed when a bill is forgotten...
...or when anything is forgotten for that matter. I have a lot going on in my head, I can't remember everything, and yes, that unfortunately includes important things sometimes. I understand people getting frustrated in that situation, but getting annoyed isn't going to make it better. A simple, "I understand, you have a lot on your plate. Would you like me to do it?" Or, "Mom, it's okay, we can take care of it." would help the situation so much! Most likely, I'll turn your offer down out of pride, but then I won't feel like I need to  get defensive.

8. Thou shall only focus on the things that aren't done.

Laundry? I hate folding it. However, silver lining? It gets washed! There's so much that I get done in one day, but it's easy to not see what did get done and focus on what didn't. Josh is super awesome when he understands that I've done a project instead of cleaning. I was productive on something different that day. Good job! Mix it up! The kids however, are a different story. "Mom! You didn't wash my footie pajamas!" Sawyer completely ignores the other 10 pair of pajamas he has clean. "Mom! You didn't find my show and tell toy!" "Son, that's your responsibility."

9. Thou shall get annoyed when errands must be run.

I hate doing them, too. But they have to be done, sometimes by myself, sometimes with Josh, sometimes with the kids. Being huffy about it, puts me in a bad mood when I already was dreading it as much as you were.

10. Thou shall get into everything that does not belong to you. 
Today I have gotten onto people for getting into my:
Paperwork
Phone
Candles
Food
Bedroom
Paint (Sofia drank it. After an ER visit and a cute picture of her covered in blue paint, she's a-okay.)
and Scissors

I have few things that I get to myself.  If I tell you not to touch it, that's because it's MINE. A mom has to put up boundaries. Mine were crossed today and I'm still grumpy about it.

So  there are our Ten Commandments... What are some of yours?

-Heather

Let's Analyze.... Christopher Robin

A few weeks ago, my sister had mentioned to me that her oldest son (14) and daughter (13) had just realized that the characters from Winnie the Pooh were all in Christopher Robin's imagination.
They were floored.

I imagine that this was one of those moments for them that was similar to when they realized that Santa, the tooth fairy, and the Easter bunny weren't real. There was a slight shock factor, but an understanding as well.

By the time kids are old enough to realize the truth, they understand the purpose behind the story.

With this fresh in my mind, Sofia and I were sitting on the couch watching and episode of Winnie the Pooh where everyone forgot Eeyore's birthday and they were trying to make up for it.

This got me thinking... Kids replay events through play. I've heard Sawyer do this with his Hotwheels.

Could this episode have been Christopher Robin reaching out, hoping that someone would remember his birthday? I mean, we rarely see his parents and he has to resort to playing with stuffed animals by himself in the woods.

Now, that got me wondering, who do all of the characters stand for?

Here's my little gut-punch to your childhood.

Obviously we have Christopher Robin. A lonely, only child who fills his time creating elaborate stories using his stuffed animals to work out his emotional issues.

Kanga- CR's mother. In real life, his mother is absent most of the time. She's probably strict and absorbed in CR's step-father. So in CR's pretend world, she's loving, involved, and is a kangaroo. Kangaroos have a pouch in which their young stay close to them. Obviously something CR craves with his mother.

Roo- CR's sibling which was never born, eventually causing his parent's divorce. Roo isn't gender specific, because CR didn't care which gender his sibling would have been. He just wanted a sibling.

Rabbit- CR's bitter, grumbling, neurotic father who can never be the same after the divorce. He thrust himself into his garden as an obsessive way to ignore what's really going on in his life.

Owl- CR's step-father. A pompous, arrogant man who is cultured and thinks he always knows best. He cares very little about anyone but himself and makes people feel small to make himself feel better.

Gopher- The crazy grandfather. Enough said.

Pooh- A friend that CR made up to make himself feel empowered and confident. After all, it always makes us feel better to have a friend that we can correct and make feel little -"Silly old Pooh." - Sounds sweet, but is meant in a derogatory way.

Tigger- Tigger represents the childhood that CR should have had if infertility hadn't caused the divorce. He's bouncy, hyper, and has the speech of a three year old. He's everything that childhood should be.

Piglet and Eeyore- These represent CR's emotions that someone as young as him can't understand. Piglet is nervous and scared of everything (Wouldn't you if your whole life was changed?) He hides when someone knocks at the door and is cautious of everything. He's constantly wondering "What's going to go wrong now?" He's eager to please everyone and wants to tag along. Eeyore is the depression that stems from the loss that CR has endured. "What's the point? No one cares about me. Everyone forgot about me." There may even be feelings of masochistic nature. He does keep asking people to stab him with his tail.

There you have it, people. That sad, sad tale of Christopher Robin. I'm sure there's much more that can be analyzed with these characters, but I already feel evil for even crossing this line. I suggest you go and watch the older episodes of Winnie the Pooh and see what you think now.

Happy watching!
-Heather

First Days of School

This school year was a hard one. It was Isaiah's (Josh's brother who lives with us) first day of high school and Sawyer's first day of preschool.

I have to take a minute to describe Sawyer before I go any further. I hope I don't seem like I'm bragging, but I'm just in awe of this child. Josh and I can take very little credit for who he is becoming. Of course we've raised him, but he was born with this intense thirst for knowledge and his perspective on the world would have philosophers thinking, "Huh, I hadn't thought of it that way."

We often have conversations that are equivalent with adults and he taught himself to read (with some help of course) by age three. He reads Josh's MicroBiology  and Anatomy books. He knows how to get on Google and type in what he wants to learn about, then find the articles and reads  them. I have moments where I forget that he's four.

So when the decision to send him to preschool came up, we decided that he needed to be a bit more socialized (not that it's really a problem, he fits in with any age group that he's around) and he needed to get used to a classroom setting.

I was honestly fine with it, until the day before school started. I had a full-blown, honest-to-God panic attack. I was going to miss all of those moments where he taught ME about the world, the funny quips that he would come up with, the morning snuggles, you know- all of the good stuff. But, I knew what was best for him, and that was preschool. Fortunately, he got the most awesome teacher who not only was patient with him, but she teaches him the life-lessons that I would have. She values him as an individual... not just another child in the classroom. She tells me stories about him and she loves him. I couldn't be happier with our decision. It's rare to find a teacher like Mrs. Jolena. The kind of teacher who understands the magic in children and who appreciates them as PEOPLE, not just kids.

So, the morning of school, I had cried all that I could cry the day before, so all that was left was excitement. We snapped some pictures and off we went. I caught a video of him and when we got to school, he had no problem letting us go... just as we expected.

It was a long day waiting for 2:45 to roll around and I don't think I could have gotten in the car any faster. We get to the school, and he threw a FIT because he had to go home.... just as we expected.

He's doing great now, and Jolena has him help her out by reading to the class. He helps the other students with their work and when they're having disagreements, he steps in to help.
All of the kids love him and they all yell "Good-bye" to him when he leaves and some even come give hugs or fist bumps.

Don't put limits on your children. Let them surprise you with what they can do. Listen to them (REALLY listen) and see what their take on the world is. I believe that children are some of the best teachers in the world. I know I've been "schooled" by my two many times. Kiddos are people. They are better people than adults in my eyes. Treat them that way. They only have one childhood, so don't bog it down with anger, stress, and worry. Just love them.

*Steps down from soapbox*

Okay, so here are the pictures we snapped on our first day!

He was so proud of his backpack!

Um, are you excited, Sawyer?

Isaiah and Sawyer doing his best "surprised" face.

Sawyer and Sofie

All four of us.

Cousins on their first day!

Happy School Days!
-Heather

Post- Halloween Post

And so it begins.

 The seasons of ridiculously priced joy for children, the overload of crafts, food, and decorations. No one is immune, including myself. It's especially worse since Pinterest is around. At least now I don't have to pay money to find ideas to fulfill my holiday perfectionism.

Every holiday I have this ridiculous idea that I need to craft all the things! Cook all the things! Decorate with all the things! Of course, I could go out and buy all of this stuff pre-made. However, it would cost more money, I wouldn't have a gold star on my achievement chart (in my head), and I could possibly go through a holiday while keeping sane. We can't have that, now can we?

Growing up, every get together was what I can only describe as magical, so I feel the need to pass the magic on to my kids, family, and friends. So, ladies and gentlemen, here's my Halloween wrap-up.

In September, it was my Mom's birthday. I thought, "Hey! I'll craft her something! She'll LOVE that. It worked when I was 5, it still should when I'm 26, right?" SO I ended up making a pumpkin made out of cloth. Yes, my poor mother got a cloth pumpkin for her birthday. It wasn't even well done! I need to make it up to her. Anyways, here's the picture. I would link the instructions, but I've forgotten where I found them, so I'm sorry ahead of time.

You can also use a cinnamon stick for the stem.

Josh was gone to Louisiana for three weeks to go to a school for the military. He was promoted to Sergeant over the Summer, so this was required. While he was gone, I had to find something to do to keep us all from going crazy. I decided we must have a Pre-Halloween weekend. I borrowed some movies from my sister ( I had a few in mind, but there were some I had forgotten about until I read Krystal's recommended watching list), went to the store to get some necessary items, then came home and executed it all.

The kids and I spent all day making Halloween decorations...

Trash bag spider...

I take absolutely NO credit for the idea of this. I had an awesome neighbor a few years ago who shared this with me.

To make You'll need:
9 black trash bags (preferably the ones with the drawstrings. You'll love me for adding that)
Red plastic cups
Neswpaper (or something else to stuff the bag with)
Black electrical tape
(This is not necessary,  but I suggest bags of beans or something heavy to stuff in with the newspaper to keep the sucker from blowing away. No one wants to see a crazy lady, in a fuzzy pink robe chasing a huge spider across her yard like my neighbors hadf to.)

Begin by stuffing one trash bag full of newspaper. Pull the drawstring shut and that will be your spider hiney.
Use the tape to section off a head. Now you should have the base of your spider.
Cut 8 tiny slits in the sides of the body. Take the 8 extra bags and tie two knots, equal lengths apart, down the bags length-wise, and stuff the drawstring end into the slits on the body. Use more tape to ensure they are attached securely. These are your legs!
Take the red plastic cups and cut the bottoms off  and attach with tape to the head. Eyes! You have eyes now!
Cut the remaining piece of the cup into two equal triangles and attach to the abdomen of the spider for it's "markings".
For teeth, cut two small triangles out of the same cup and attach under the eyes!
There ya go! Spider!

 This craft was simple (other than burning the crap out of myself and having to hold the snakes down while the glue dried). I just got a wreath  and 4 snakes from the dollar store (as  well as the cute doormat directly below.) I used hot glue to attach the snakes, but I'm sure there are better ways of doing it. Then I attached twine and hung it up. I think it was worth the finger burns.

  This one is just bats cut out of poster board and attached to the wall. Pretty simple.

While we were creating, we watched our movies and talked about spooks. I decided that since Josh was gone, I'd try my hand at grilling. I can cook some pretty good stuff, but I have NEVER cooked a good burger. Not to mention, I have NEVER grilled. It took me awhile to get the charcoal lit (and to stay lit). But, once I did, I regretted it! I used half of a container of lighter fluid and nearly singed my eyebrows off. My burgers weren't holding together and they were trying to fall through the bbq slits. Did you know you could actually catch a burger on fire? I mean, I assume it's common knowledge, but I had never seen it happen until that day. I yelled at Isaiah to get me the water bottle to spray the fire down, and I may have cried a little.
Surprisingly, they actually turned out to be yummy! Who knew?!
After dinner, I lit the firepit and we made s'mores and the kids had a leaf fight. It turned out to be a pretty awesome weekend!

Now for the food....
I volunteer with a Cub Scout pack and being the overachieving, control freak that I am, I asked to do the food for our Pack Party.

Cupcakes, orange icing, chocolate icing web, Hershey's kisses. That's all it took and they turned out super cute.

 Worms....  We had some adults who didn't even want to eat these. Yes, these are edible worms and they actually tasted awesome.
Recipe:
Ingredients:
100 flexible plastic straws
(The straws with a bendable neck make the most realistic worms by adding ridges to the worm. Place bendable necks of straws at the bottom of the container).
an empty, cleaned

1-quart milk or orange juice carton to hold straws.
(The straws will fill up to the height of the container, the taller the better.)
1 package (6 ounces) raspberry or grape flavor gelatin
3 envelopes unflavored gelatin
3 cups boiling water
3/4 cup whipping cream
12 to 15 drops green food coloring
waxed paper
Instructions:
1. Combine gelatins in a bowl and add boiling water; stir until gelatins completely dissolve. Chill until lukewarm, about 20 min.
2. Meanwhile, gently pull straws to extend to full length; place in tall container. Wrap together with a loose rubber band to hold straws together.
3. Blend cream and food coloring with the lukewarm gelatin mixture. Carefully pour into container, filling straws.
4. Chill until gelatin is firm, at least 8 hours, or cover and chill up to 2 days.
5. Pull straws from container or, if you’re using a carton, simply tear the carton away from the filled straws. Pull straws apart. Run hot tap water for about 2 seconds over 3 to 4 straws at a time. Starting at the empty ends, push worms from straws with rolling pin, or use your fingers.

6. Lay worms on waxed paper-lined baking sheets. Cover and chill until ready to use, at least 1 hour or up to 2 days. Worms will hold at room temperature for about 2 hours.

 Witch hats....
These have been floating around on Pinterest for awhile.
1.Take fudge cookies and turn them upside down.
2.Mix white icing with a few drops of yellow food coloring until you get the desired color and dot in the middle of the cookie.
3.Stick on a Hershey's kiss.
You can make these more detailed if you wish. It's a good jumping off place.

Earwax swabs:
Okay, these were a PAIN but worth it! The original recipe call for the tiny marshmallows to be dipped in melted butterscotch. If you want ease, go that route. But, if you want realistic and  a pain in the arse, go with melted caramel instead.
1.Take sucker sticks (I found ours on the cake decorating isle at Wal-Mart), and stick mini marshmallows on the end.
2.Dip them in the melted whatever-you-choose-to-use and let set on wax paper.
Do not refrigerate.
The kids not only were grossed out by the earwax, but since we used the caramel, they had to pull apart the "wax". They were thoroughly disgusted and it was awesome!

I didn't make these for the scouts, but rather a family function. I just thought I would throw them in.
I melted marshmallows and butter and then dipped the apples in the mixture. Let set in the fridge for 15 minues.
Next, melt chocolate in the microwave.
Dip the apple in the chocolate and then directly into graham cracker crumbs. Refrigerate.


So, of course for the ACTUAL day of Halloween, I didn't get nearly as many pictures as I would have liked because, hey, I can't do everything! We went to our town's annual Scare-on-the-Square. There wasn't nearly as many people handing out candy this year, but, there was a pony with wings, so who cares about candy?!

My little Power Ranger and Pirate. Sofia wouldn't keep any accessories on, so it's hard to tell what she was supposed to be.

Papaw and Sofie

Power Ranger Sawyer

I hope you guys had lots of fun in October!
Til' next time-
Heather

Drill Weekend Is Here Again

 Ah, the ever lovely, ever-present drill weekend. So, most of y'all know that my husband is in The Arkansas National Guard. You know this because one weekend every month I transform into some sappy-faced 13 year old who "misses her hubby SOO much" on Facebook. I mean, I'm kind of that way all the time, but I don't quite flaunt it as much on a regular basis.

 SO, here we are again, except this weekend is a 3 day drill and I woke up feeling like death licked me across the face and then sneezed on it.

Gross.

 I'm lonely and bored, so I thought I would post a probably-boring-to-everyone-but-me blog post.
 So, here's what's been going on the last few days.

I've been trying to get the house clean. It seems like such a simple task, right? No. You're a fool and probably only have one or two very polite children who find joy in helping you with everyday tasks. I know that you are out there, because while reading different blogs and websites to help me figure out how to organize and get the kids interested in chores, I found your pages and I sat loathing your parental awesomeness.

 I used to be that way, too. Now, on any given day, between the pets, the people who live here, and frequent guests, we have 13 bodies roaming the house... The small-ish house... The house that seemed HUGE when we bought it... The house that feels like it's giving my head a mammogram because it's getting so cramped now.

Don't get me wrong, it's NOT the people in the house that's driving me crazy, it's the crap. SO. Much. Crap.

So, what's the cure-all for a crap-filled house? More crap!

Yesterday, Josh took off work to spend time with me since he's been gone so much and he was leaving again. We went to Prairie Market (Our local health food store) for lunch, then we did what this girl grew up doing best... junkin'.
For those of you who don't know what that means, let's just call it vintage or antique shopping in cozy little shops off the beaten path, filled with eclectic people.

Okay, that was me blowing some smoke up somewhere. This is how it really is.
True Story:
We accidentally stumbled onto a rummage sale while driving through the umm... not so pretty side of town. We sorted through other people's crap (they had nice stuff!) and when it came time to check out, there was this amazingly gay man, wearing a button up shirt (with the top 3 or 4 buttons unbuttoned), acid wash jeans,  and was missing a tooth, who sauntered over to us.

Man: "Hi, y'all! How did you hear about us? Was it my signs?! Were they colorful enough? Did they just GRAB YOU'RE ATTENTION?!" (His hands were doing the rainbow wave in the air.)
Me: "Well, we were just driving past and YES! We saw your signs and decide to drop in.
Man: " Excellent! I just wanted them to POP!
Me: "Well, you did a great job!"
Okay, while writing this, this conversation seems mild, but if you were there, you would have heard our enthusiasm and the desperation in my voice to make this man feel fabulous.
I told him I would post about the sale on Facebook and his face went into disbelief, which then turned into utter excitement. He said, "FABULOUS!"
My job was done.
I told Josh I wanted to go back and collect him as my pocket-gay. He was amazing.

Anyways, that's just a mild example of junkin', but basically, you're going through dirty stores, digging through shelves and boxes, looking at whether or not you want to by previously owned awesomeness.

I live for thrift stores, garage sales, pawn shops; They're all like musty treasure chests.

After hitting about ten places, we called it quits and I inventoried my finds. I got 4 small red and clear, blown glass cups, a running suit, a shirt, a mens Hollister shirt, two pairs of mens Hollister shorts, camo seat covers,  a cast iron spoon holder for the stove, 3 Reader's Digest books (I might read them, but I got them because the covers were adorable prints and look awesome on my bookshelf), a cookbook, 4 coffee cups, a beautiful glass bowl, a giant ceramic popcorn bowl, and a soy candle from a new pottery shop in town, all for $45. I think I'm forgetting some things.

So, it was a fun day.

 All right, this might seem abrupt, but I'm ending this post now. The coffee buzz has worn off.

Happy Junkin',
Heather

Kids Birthday Cupcakes/Cakes

                                                       MUNO CUPCAKES
For Sawyer's 3rd Birthday he was REALLY into Yo Gabba Gabba. So, I decided to make him Muno cupcakes.
I just used the regular white cake mix recipe and whipped icing recipe. Then, I took a pizza cutter and cut out "muno-shaped" pieces of fruit roll ups. I used tiny pieces of black licorice for the mouth. I put two dabs of frosting on the upper part of the body then  I used chocolate mini m&ms for the pupil. I broke red mini m&ms in half and stuck them on the edge of the body. Tada! It's MUNO!

                                                          SOFT SERVE CUPCAKES
 For one of my niece's birthdays I decide to do "soft-serve" cupcakes. I totally used the wrong muffin tin. It was supposed to be deeper. You can find the proper one here. I took an icing bag and skipped using a tip. I just cut the bottom off of the bag and iced in a clock-wise direction finishing off with the "Dairy Queen swirl at the top). I sprinkled some sprinkles on, stuck a candy stick in for the straw, and topped it off with a hot ball on top for the "cherry".

                                                               




                                                           DIEGO CAKE
Okay, The Diego Cake, oh the Diego Cake. I made a backpack cake (you know, the annoying one from Diego? Yeah, him) for my nephew. The cake split down the middle so I had to stuff it with the remnants of the part of the cake I cut off. So, it didn't look too bad after I had iced it and made the eyes and mouth. I turned around for a second to grab the foam piece I used as the straps, and as soon as I turned around, I was in tears. My son had dug a big ol' finger full of cake out by the middle of the cake. Long story-short, he was banned from the kitchen and I managed to kind of repair it. SO, the point of all of this was to explain why it doesn't look as good as you could make it.

                                                              GUITAR CAKE

SO, this one doesn't look as awesome as Bekka and I had planned, but it was hard work, so I'm still proud. There was a lot of icing, and a lot of carving.

                                                         SPONGEBOB CUPCAKES

I just decorated these with Spongebob horn blowers and red sprinkles. Easy enough!

                            
                                                            DEATH BY CHOCOLATE

This is just your regular ol chocolate cake with chocolate icing. However, I added cookies and creme kisses on the top and peanut butter cups on the bottom. This was SO good!

                                                     
                                                                   Music Cake

 This is yet ANOTHER cake that cracked. But hey, the sides are pretty! This has crushed oreos on top and chocolate chips make up the musical notes.

 Well, there you have it. I know they aren't perfect cakes, but I worked hard on them. Hopefully you can execute some of these ideas a little better. =0)

Happy Eating,
Heather