Am I Good Enough?

 I woke up this morning after a terrible night's sleep. As I groggily scrolled through my Facebook feed, a gorgeous exotic looking woman's face showed up suddenly. 

She had friended my husband on Facebook. 

Let me put this out here now. I absolutely trust my husband and he has every single right and liberty to add whoever he wants on Facebook. He has never, ever given me any reason to be paranoid about what he's up to. He loves me and treats me like I'm the only woman on this Earth. 

So why, when I saw that he had added her, did every single insecurity that I have ever had about myself instantly creep into my mind and make me not doubt him, but myself?

I have absolutely no idea. That's why I'm writing this. I know I'm not alone in this. 

Our husbands at one point decided (consciously) that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with us and (subconsciously) that our genes would make awesome babies together (which we were right about if I say so myself.) 

My husband is included in this universal gathering of hormones, pheromones, and decisions, so why do I feel threatened? 

I think that it has nothing to do with our marriage. 

I think that it has everything to do with feeling like I can't live up to the stereotype of what the perfect woman is. 

Immediately, my thoughts were "Wow, she has really great clothes and look at that body! Her skin tone is gorgeous and flawless. How does she manage to not have bags under her eyes? And holy crap! Her eyebrows are perfectly symmetrical!"

Then it went a little deeper and I thought, "I bet she's a great decorator. She's probably a lot of fun, too. She probably bakes often and would make a romantic Saturday breakfast meat bouquet for her man. And she went to college according to her about-me page. I couldn't even finish one semester."

I stopped myself at that point and made a mental note of all of the areas that I could improve in: fitness, home keeping, romance, hair, makeup, education, and broadening my interest category beyond parenting and Dr. Who. 

I then caught the mess of myself in the mirror backsplash in the kitchen and said outloud to myself, "Goof grief, you look terrible. You suck and you need to try harder." 

Wait, what?

I'm typically certain of my strengths and since I've had insecurity issues in the past, I try really hard to affirm to myself the good qualities that God blessed me with to bring into the world. 

And it usually works. 

But this morning I gave myself a mental beating and it felt horrible. 

So, my question is, why do we women do this to ourselves? I obviously can look at one picture of a woman who looks put together and discern that she is an amazing woman who is capable of far more than I am, even though I know nothing about her. Then, I am able destroy myself in less than 10 minutes because of this imaginary life I have assigned to her. 

I am a person who assumes that what I see is what I get, because that is how I am. Anyone who knows me, knows this is true. I apply this to blogs that I read, pictures that I see, pins that I pin. 

I forget sometimes that a picture only tells party of a story. 

That blog post could have been written and re-written to put the best of that person's story out for the world to see. 

That that pin of that perfect recipe or craft may have started with cake thrown at a wall or acquiring blisters from hot glue guns. 

I forget these things. 

I know them, but I forget them. 

I think that why insecurities creep up like they do, because we forget that we're all humans. 

We forget that this world is a collection if beautiful messes. 

As I sit on my porch, I'm looking around at all of God's perfect imperfections. 

The spiderweb that is glistening with dew that at first glance is beautiful, in fact, has  crooked webbing and holes in it. 

The mountain in the distance is full of dips and crevices, not perfectly smooth like it seems from miles away. 

The maple tree with it's leaves changing across the street has broken branches, twisting limbs, and perfectly symmetrical eyebrows. 

Just kidding. I wanted to see if you were still paying attention. 

My point is, all of these beautiful creations are beautiful because they are imperfect. They would all be so boring if they looked the same, and in fact, their flaws are what made them stand out and be noticed in the first place!

That's my take away. 

My husband chose me because I was different. My flaws are endearing to him or he was so floored by the good things I'm capable of, that he never noticed the flaws in the first place. 

Thank you, friends for letting me write out my thought process yet again, and I hope that this helps any of you that are having a morning like mine. 

Until next crisis,

Heather

Rate Me Pls...

 As a youth leader in my church, I've befriended many of the teens in our youth group on Facebook. I love seeing what they're doing and  pictures of them with their families. This helps me to be a part of their lives and them be a part of mine. It's being able to know if they're going through hardships outside of the church setting, where we are available 24/7.

This seems like an amazing thing, right?
Well, of course it is, silly!

However, there's been a trend popping up among every single teen I have befriended: Asking people (sometimes strangers) to rate them.
It ranges from asking people to rate their looks to whether or not they're dateable.

It seems innocent, and yes, I realize that since I'm 28, I "don't get it", and that's probably true.
But dear teens who are reading this, the reason that I "don't get it" is because I've been where you are and I've had "like a million years" to become comfortable with who I am. So, what I don't get, is why are you basing your existence on A) Other people's opinions, and B) Shallow things that are not important in the grand scheme of enter your name here?

Here, let me try an experiment, okay?

I'm going to try and read your mind for a minute.

 Just roll with it.

Let's go over some of the things you might worry about in a day, okay?
Now, I'm specifically going to be speaking with the girls in these details, because, well, I wasn't a teenage boy.

*Are my clothes the right brand?
*Will people find out that my house/car/parent's employment isn't as good as their parents?
*Is my breath okay?
*Did so-and-so see me Saturday in my sweats without makeup?
*Will someone make up a new rumor about me today?
*Do I smell good?
*Where the heck did that zit come from? And will people look at it instead of the rest of my face?
*Should I lie to my parents so I can go do that really fun thing that I KNOW they'll say no to?
*Will people make fun of my religion?
*I don't really want to make fun of someone else, but everyone else is. Maybe I should join in?
* Is my boyfriend looking at another girl?
* If I don't do what he wants, will he find someone else?
*My friends are being weird today. Are they turning on me?
*Maybe I'll blow off studying for that test so I can go do something fun and social.

You get my point, right? Yes, these are things I thought  as a teenager, yes, these may not be your thoughts because I'm a thousand years old and times have changed, and yes, I've always been a people pleaser and have always had confidence issues.

But  you know what?

I was MISERABLE as a teenager, guys!
Would you like to know why? Because I was focused on what other people thought of me instead of what I thought of myself!

However, as a 28 year old woman, that's all changed, because, well, my perspective has changed.

This is where the whole "she doesn't get it" thing factors in.
I had all of those issues and that was before Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr, etc...

I was able to come home after school and surround myself with friends and brush off the rest of the day. You guys have it rough! You not only have to deal with all of these issues at school, but then you come home, log on to the computer, and have to sometimes deal with all over again.

So, here's my question to you:
Why do you need a rating?

You aren't a restaurant, hotel, or business on Yelp.

You are a person. You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Your "rating" should be your opinion of yourself. Plain and simple.

Instead of wondering how you rate, wonder instead about "Did I make a difference to someone today?", "Did I learn something new about the world today?", "Did I learn something new about myself today?", "Did I help someone who needed it today?", "Did I accomplish all that I could today?"

These years for you guys are crucial. You're in survival mode right now. You just try and make it through the day some days. These years are put in place so us "old folks" to help you along, so you can get a lot of things figured out about yourself before being launched into the grown up world.
When we give advice, wanted or not, it's from experience, so you can maybe get through life a little more easily.

Please, Trust us.

And for everything that's good and lovely in the world, stop asking people to rate you.
You're worth so much more than that.

I forgot to go grocery shopping

This morning was bad. 

My husband and I were both in bad moods, we both yelled at the kids because of it, and there were half-hearted "I love you's" as he left for work. 

So what set off this cataclysmic morning?

I forgot to go grocery shopping. 

Isn't it funny how the smallest thing, like not having cereal in the house, can set a tone for the day?

Let me explain.

My husband asks only two things of me. 

Two...That's it. 

He asks for clean laundry and a full belly. 

Seriously, the house can be a wreck, the kids can be running wild (within reason), and the gas tank can be empty, but he's perfectly fine to go with the flow as long as these two needs are met. 

I, on the other hand, have many demands that change daily, and the poor man must keep up or there will be hell to pay. 

This morning, as I was posting a loving picture on Facebook of a coffee mug that he got me while he was gone over the weekend, a knot formed in my stomach as I remembered that I had forgotten to get cereal at the store yesterday. 

We had gone to walmart, so it should have jogged my memory, but we had decided to finally get the kids a trampoline (which my husband set up basically by himself, in the heat, just an hour after he got home, with no complaining), and I was so into the buying of the trampoline that I forgot. 

Plain and simple. 

So cut to this morning, I had to fess up that the only thing we had to eat or breakfast, was instant grits. 

Well, it didn't go over so well and thus today's tone was set. 

So, as I'm sitting here staring at this coffee mug that A) he went out of his way to get for me and B) he had remembered the mugs that I had specifically pointed out, I feel like an absolute jerk. 

Some people could look at this situation and feel sorry for me (I sure did at first) and think that I was right in this situation, but no, I was wrong. 

Here's the thing: I'm the CEO of Cook household management. It's my JOB to remember the cereal. It would be the same as Josh forgetting to go to work one day and then saying, "Oh, sorry, I forgot that was on my list of to-do's."

Do you see my point yet? 

I was sitting there expecting sympathy for me not doing my job. Right? 

How well would that fly in the outside world?

Yeah, it wouldn't. 

So here I am, feeling horrible because I wasn't organized enough to have a weekly menu planner and I didn't make use of my time wisely. I even have a Pinterest board specifically for these purposes, and I vow every week that if these women can do it, then so can I!

Then when it doesn't happen, it's a blow to my ego. 

Which brings me to my second point: how many of you out there would have known that we had a huge argument this morning had I not posted this blog post?

Probably no one. 

I mean, remember? I had just shared with the virtual world about how happy I was because my loving husband got me a pretty present. 

I know that I have friends on Instagram and Facebook that I sometime envy because their lives seems more out together than mine. 

But what are they not saying?

Probably the same things that I'm not saying. 

So sweet, friends, when you have a morning/afternoon/evening that resembles mine, please remember that it happens to all of us. 

Today, I'm going to the grocery store to get cereal (because I love knowing my husband's needs are met), and I'm reassuring myself that I am not alone in the daily mess of things (because I love meeting my own needs as well.) 

You are loved. Absolutely and forever loved. I love you, your spouse loves you, but most importantly, God loves you... Despite the mess and forgetfulness. 

So pull up your boot straps and march through the day with confidence!

Oh, and don't forget to get the cereal!