Rate Me Pls...

 As a youth leader in my church, I've befriended many of the teens in our youth group on Facebook. I love seeing what they're doing and  pictures of them with their families. This helps me to be a part of their lives and them be a part of mine. It's being able to know if they're going through hardships outside of the church setting, where we are available 24/7.

This seems like an amazing thing, right?
Well, of course it is, silly!

However, there's been a trend popping up among every single teen I have befriended: Asking people (sometimes strangers) to rate them.
It ranges from asking people to rate their looks to whether or not they're dateable.

It seems innocent, and yes, I realize that since I'm 28, I "don't get it", and that's probably true.
But dear teens who are reading this, the reason that I "don't get it" is because I've been where you are and I've had "like a million years" to become comfortable with who I am. So, what I don't get, is why are you basing your existence on A) Other people's opinions, and B) Shallow things that are not important in the grand scheme of enter your name here?

Here, let me try an experiment, okay?

I'm going to try and read your mind for a minute.

 Just roll with it.

Let's go over some of the things you might worry about in a day, okay?
Now, I'm specifically going to be speaking with the girls in these details, because, well, I wasn't a teenage boy.

*Are my clothes the right brand?
*Will people find out that my house/car/parent's employment isn't as good as their parents?
*Is my breath okay?
*Did so-and-so see me Saturday in my sweats without makeup?
*Will someone make up a new rumor about me today?
*Do I smell good?
*Where the heck did that zit come from? And will people look at it instead of the rest of my face?
*Should I lie to my parents so I can go do that really fun thing that I KNOW they'll say no to?
*Will people make fun of my religion?
*I don't really want to make fun of someone else, but everyone else is. Maybe I should join in?
* Is my boyfriend looking at another girl?
* If I don't do what he wants, will he find someone else?
*My friends are being weird today. Are they turning on me?
*Maybe I'll blow off studying for that test so I can go do something fun and social.

You get my point, right? Yes, these are things I thought  as a teenager, yes, these may not be your thoughts because I'm a thousand years old and times have changed, and yes, I've always been a people pleaser and have always had confidence issues.

But  you know what?

I was MISERABLE as a teenager, guys!
Would you like to know why? Because I was focused on what other people thought of me instead of what I thought of myself!

However, as a 28 year old woman, that's all changed, because, well, my perspective has changed.

This is where the whole "she doesn't get it" thing factors in.
I had all of those issues and that was before Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr, etc...

I was able to come home after school and surround myself with friends and brush off the rest of the day. You guys have it rough! You not only have to deal with all of these issues at school, but then you come home, log on to the computer, and have to sometimes deal with all over again.

So, here's my question to you:
Why do you need a rating?

You aren't a restaurant, hotel, or business on Yelp.

You are a person. You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Your "rating" should be your opinion of yourself. Plain and simple.

Instead of wondering how you rate, wonder instead about "Did I make a difference to someone today?", "Did I learn something new about the world today?", "Did I learn something new about myself today?", "Did I help someone who needed it today?", "Did I accomplish all that I could today?"

These years for you guys are crucial. You're in survival mode right now. You just try and make it through the day some days. These years are put in place so us "old folks" to help you along, so you can get a lot of things figured out about yourself before being launched into the grown up world.
When we give advice, wanted or not, it's from experience, so you can maybe get through life a little more easily.

Please, Trust us.

And for everything that's good and lovely in the world, stop asking people to rate you.
You're worth so much more than that.

I forgot to go grocery shopping

This morning was bad. 

My husband and I were both in bad moods, we both yelled at the kids because of it, and there were half-hearted "I love you's" as he left for work. 

So what set off this cataclysmic morning?

I forgot to go grocery shopping. 

Isn't it funny how the smallest thing, like not having cereal in the house, can set a tone for the day?

Let me explain.

My husband asks only two things of me. 

Two...That's it. 

He asks for clean laundry and a full belly. 

Seriously, the house can be a wreck, the kids can be running wild (within reason), and the gas tank can be empty, but he's perfectly fine to go with the flow as long as these two needs are met. 

I, on the other hand, have many demands that change daily, and the poor man must keep up or there will be hell to pay. 

This morning, as I was posting a loving picture on Facebook of a coffee mug that he got me while he was gone over the weekend, a knot formed in my stomach as I remembered that I had forgotten to get cereal at the store yesterday. 

We had gone to walmart, so it should have jogged my memory, but we had decided to finally get the kids a trampoline (which my husband set up basically by himself, in the heat, just an hour after he got home, with no complaining), and I was so into the buying of the trampoline that I forgot. 

Plain and simple. 

So cut to this morning, I had to fess up that the only thing we had to eat or breakfast, was instant grits. 

Well, it didn't go over so well and thus today's tone was set. 

So, as I'm sitting here staring at this coffee mug that A) he went out of his way to get for me and B) he had remembered the mugs that I had specifically pointed out, I feel like an absolute jerk. 

Some people could look at this situation and feel sorry for me (I sure did at first) and think that I was right in this situation, but no, I was wrong. 

Here's the thing: I'm the CEO of Cook household management. It's my JOB to remember the cereal. It would be the same as Josh forgetting to go to work one day and then saying, "Oh, sorry, I forgot that was on my list of to-do's."

Do you see my point yet? 

I was sitting there expecting sympathy for me not doing my job. Right? 

How well would that fly in the outside world?

Yeah, it wouldn't. 

So here I am, feeling horrible because I wasn't organized enough to have a weekly menu planner and I didn't make use of my time wisely. I even have a Pinterest board specifically for these purposes, and I vow every week that if these women can do it, then so can I!

Then when it doesn't happen, it's a blow to my ego. 

Which brings me to my second point: how many of you out there would have known that we had a huge argument this morning had I not posted this blog post?

Probably no one. 

I mean, remember? I had just shared with the virtual world about how happy I was because my loving husband got me a pretty present. 

I know that I have friends on Instagram and Facebook that I sometime envy because their lives seems more out together than mine. 

But what are they not saying?

Probably the same things that I'm not saying. 

So sweet, friends, when you have a morning/afternoon/evening that resembles mine, please remember that it happens to all of us. 

Today, I'm going to the grocery store to get cereal (because I love knowing my husband's needs are met), and I'm reassuring myself that I am not alone in the daily mess of things (because I love meeting my own needs as well.) 

You are loved. Absolutely and forever loved. I love you, your spouse loves you, but most importantly, God loves you... Despite the mess and forgetfulness. 

So pull up your boot straps and march through the day with confidence!

Oh, and don't forget to get the cereal!

The Importance of Girl Time

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 Good morning, friends!

  I was laying in bed this morning, listening to the rain, and painting my fingernails when a big smile came across my face. 

I was thinking back to this time last year when I went on my first "date'' with who is now one of my best friends, Crystal.

  After a few personal messages were exchanged on Facebook, we set up a time to meet at her house and have a 'girl's night'. I honestly had never had one of these nights with anyone but family members, so I had no idea what to expect, especially since I hadn't ever visited with her in person. 

  Typically, a girl's night out means going out on the town and living it up with your friends and while there is nothing wrong with this, it's not who I am.

  I like personal time with friends where you can have meaningful conversations... Conversations your husbands don't necessarily want to hear. (More on that in a minute)

Crystal felt the same way.

  I finally arrived at Crystal's house after a nervous, gut-wrenching drive up the mountain, then drank a little too much wine out of nervousness and proceeded to have a great conversation while making sugar scrubs. 

 It. Was. Bliss.

 I felt like I had found out some amazing secret that only real women knew about...

 ... girl time.

  I had heard about it, but had only practiced this novelty alone with a ped-egg and The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

  Not exactly what 'girl time' meant.

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  In the last year, I have relished every single time she and I have gotten together. She has been patient in teaching me about why we only share certain facts and info about ourselves with other girls and not our husbands (not important things, but girls stuff they don't want to hear but don't have the heart to tell you), the importance of wearing something other than holy yoga pants and Monty Python t-shirts to bed, and most importantly, that I really needed to work on being a patient and understanding wife.

  I would share situations with her that were just making my blood boil and she would calmly say, "Well, do you think this may be why so-and-so said/did this?"

  "Well, yeah, you're probably right. Dang it."

Y'all, this is why friendships are important.

  God knew knew I needed some awesome friends in my life to bounce ideas off of and to help me grow. He has placed good women in my path. Of course, I already had good women in my life (my friend, Jerian, and my sister) but I hadn't nurtured those relationships.

  I'm learning as I go.

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  Recently, I've started running again, except this time, I'm running with a wonderful friend from  church. Typically, running is a chore, but this time, we use our walking times as 'girl time'. We bounce ideas about parenting, marriage, and any other topics you think of off of each other and most nights, we stand around talking for an hour after we run. It's so uplifting and I leave with new ideas and new scriptures to chew on until our next run.

 It's so important for it to be women that you share things with.
 Yes, you can share with your husband, and you should... to a point.
 BUT, men are wired differently than we are. They don't necessarily understand venting, so when we vent, they naturally want to FIX it.
"Oh, this person/ problem has made her upset. Therefore, I should  fix this, or I should be angry at this person. Why else would she be telling me?"
Men instinctively want to protect us, so this is simply nature kicking in.
And sometimes I'm very glad it does.
 But I'm telling him because I just want him to listen. Now I see that that's where having girlfriends comes in handy.

I'm slowly coming out of my shell when it comes to having a solid group of girls I can trust and that I whole-heartedly love, and it has been amazing.

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What do you like to do for girl time?
What benefits have you found from having amazing girlfriends?
Leave me a comment or share on my Facebook page here.

-Heather