Sassyfras: It's His Birthday, and I'll Cry if I Want To

Today is the 4th year of my son's existence on this Earth. I remember at one point in my life, I never wanted children. NEVER. Boy, that would have been a sad life.

I've decided to tell y'all the story of Sawyer.

As I mentioned before, we found out we were pregnant 6 weeks after Josh came home from Iraq that we were pregnant.

The Cookin' Stage-
I was moody, tired, and pukey. But hey, what's new? Well, apparently something else was off about me because everyone at work kept telling me I was pregnant. I didn't want to get my hopes up, so I just dismissed it for about a week. My symptoms kept getting worse so we decided to go get a test the next Monday. Josh went in Walgreens and came out with a digital test. I despise those, so huffily told him to go get a box of the line tests. We got home and I ran to the bathroom. I anxiously waited while I saw one line appear and then... "Oh crap! It's only one line. I told them I wasn't pregnant!"

The week went by and by Saturday I thought I had the most God-awful stomach flu. We got home from work and I thought to myself, "I'm going to go take a test and double check." I didn't tell Josh what I was up to. I quietly slipped away to go do my bid-ness.

So, here I was again, staring at one line. I set the test on the sink and went to pull up my pants. I had them up, but I hadn't zipped or buttoned them when I look down and... "Holy crap! There's two lines." I remember thinking to myself, "You wanted this... now what? ....Oh my God! I'll be a terrible mom! What was I thinking?"

Then excitement set in and I ran out of the bathroom with one hand holding up my pants and the other the test. I shoved it in Josh's face and like a three year old proud of a drawing, I said, "What do you think?" You know that smile that Ralphie does in A Christmas Story? One of those smiles slipped across my face when I said it.

We told family, and then friends, and then random people who we didn't know. I gain all of my weight in the beginning of my pregnancies, so I looked 5 months pregnant when I was just 8 weeks. So, I just lied and said that's how far along I was. (Yes, I'm a terrible person. But I only said that to strangers.)
I had sciatica, all-day sickness, and mood swings. Poor Josh had just survived war and he probably was more worried about surviving this pregnancy. I was miserable, he was miserable, everyone around me was miserable.

Why, Hello There!-

We decided to induce due to scheduling issues. (Never again) I had my water broken and pitocin started at 9:00a.m. on the 10th. I remember sleeping through most of my labor (except when I had a contraction or when people were playing with their phones). We had gone to birthing classes and the told us to find a place in the room to focus on during the peak of your contractions. Mine was a little outlet outlet on the wall, under a table at the foot of my bed. I don't know why I chose it, but I remember Josh standing in front of it during one particularly bad contraction. I screamed at him, of course. He was so confused. He had no idea what I was talking about.

At some point in the afternoon on the 11th, they told me that they needed to do an emergency c-section because the baby's heart rate was dropping. They wheeled me in to surgery. The nurses were discussing something that was wrong with their cars and I said, "Oh! We just fixed that on our car! This is what's wrong and here's how you fix it." The room got silent. I think they were confused as to why I was discussing cars when I'm splayed open on an operating table. Who knows. I heard them say that he was out, but not crying. Once they untangled the cord around his neck (it was wrapped twice and in a knot) I heard the most amazing sound- his cry. "We made that! A life just came out of me!"

Sawyer was born at 6:31 p.m. He weighed 6lbs 12oz and was 18 in long. They rushed Josh and Sawyer out of the room and I was left alone. I thought they would put me to sleep, but oh no, they couldn't be that nice. I heard them discuss my hemorrhaging, my "lazy uterus" (Yes, a male doctor actually said that. A female nurse scolded him and said that it was NOT lazy, just tired. It had been working hard for a long time.), and how they had never seen this problem before. When they started talking about how they didn't know how to fix it or what to do, I asked to be put to sleep.

When I woke up in recovery, I got to hold the most precious being I had ever seen. All of the hard things that had led to this were just a distant memory. This was my life now. Amazing.

The Later Years-

Sawyer is now 4 today. We made it through the 9 months of colic, the ingesting of one of perfumes when he was 1 year old, the move to our new house, the tons of hugs and kisses, first words, and first steps.
My son is a sarcastic, hilarious, hyper, smart, caring, loving, bossy, insightful little booger. He's into superheroes now. I shared this as my Facebook statues awhile back but it's worth repeating.

"My son says he's going to save the world one day... and I believe him."

To those of you who know Sawyer, you know there is no other child in the world like him. He amazes me every single day. I can't believe a person could have this much love towards another person. But, there it is.

Loves him.