Let's Talk Love Languages

Last night Josh and I were unwinding after an incredibly busy day. I was irritable and apparently I was doing a poor job of hiding it. 
Being the brave man that he is, Josh asked if I was irritated.

"Well, yes, to be honest."
"Is it something that I did?"
"You have to slow roast me before I feel up for anything tonight! You can't just crawl into bed and expect me to instantly shut down from the day and go into wife mode. I need you to butter me up the entire day for me to be able to relax and focus solely on being your wife."
*Note: He wasn't trying anything saucy. At all. He was across the room.*
"What? How did we got from talking about the Powerball and cupcakes to this?"
*pointing to my head* "Spaghetti noodles!"
"What?"
"Remember at that one marriage seminar where the guys talked about how women's brains are like spaghetti noodles because all issues interconnect and men's are like waffles because y'all can compartmentalize issues?"
"Oh. Yeah."
"Well, that's what's going on here."

 In reality, I had felt myself feeling the stress in my throat for a good portion of the day, but there was absolutely no time to communicate this to Josh. After he got home from work, he went straight to a meeting with a gentleman from his unit to give some counseling, and from there he went straight to church where he me up with the kids and me. 

Since last weekend was drill, I had the full responsibility of all housework, make up homeschooling, and bill paying,  plus getting the kids dressed, fed, and to a new church by myself. That's where the stress began, but it continued to be fed because, well, life happens, and Josh and I hadn't had the time to reconnect where I could share my heart and he could share his.

I'm always stressed because, well, that's my personality, but usually I can manage it better. Since I had days to think about why I felt that life was swallowing me whole, I knew exactly what was going on. 

"Do you remember how we took that love languages test awhile back?"
"Yeah."
"Well, yours was acts of service and quality time, and mine was physical touch and words of affirmation. I've felt distance from you for a little while because we haven't had time face-to-face to really feed our needs, so I've been trying to up my game so that you know that I love you. But I've been pretty silent about not feeling like my needs are being fed."

Okay, so let's talk Love Languages.
Most of you have surely heard of this test, but for those of you who haven't, let me explain.
Everyone craves love, however, we all crave different kinds. And typically, the ways that we show love tends to be our language, not the person's who's on the receiving ends language.  

Let's take Josh and myself for example. If you happen to be friends with me on Facebook, often you'll see me verbally praising Josh for his accomplishments, or how much I love him, etc... The thing is, even though he's appreciative of that, it doesn't fill his love tank. However, words of affirmation is one of my love languages, so that's how I naturally show my love to people.  He on the other hand, would go to the store 20 times during Thanksgiving to get everything that I forgot without thinking twice. While I'm really, truly thankful that I didn't have to go myself, it just doesn't fulfill me. But that's how he shows love because one of his love languages is acts of service. It's actually pretty cool to observe relationships after taking this test, because it's obvious most of the time how people need to be loved.

Once you've taken the test online (I'll post the link at the bottom), it will further explain what each language entails and such, but it's a pretty broad answer. You have to really sit down and define exactly what your language means to you personally and why that is. 

For example, let's start with me. 
(Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation)

Physical Touch:
Most people automatically assume that this means in a sexual way, and to some, it might. But for me, that's not it at all. The kind of touching that I crave from Josh is in the form of his arm around my shoulder at church, or his hand on the small of my back when we're walking, or even just a hug when I'm having a lousy day.

Why? 
It's a protective thing. When he touches me in these ways, I know that A) He's paying attention to my feelings. He knows that I need a hug right then, B) He's proclaiming to the world that "this is my woman, and I like her." (Yes, that's kind of archaic, but it's what butters my bread), and C) I feel secure when I know that he's right there beside me.

Words of Affirmation:
I constantly doubt myself. Am I a bad mom? Am I a bad wife? Was dinner good? When Josh praises me, I feel amazing. No, you shouldn't need to be validated by others to feel good about yourself, but a cheer from the family pep squad will never hurt a person. I crave validation.

Why?
I do a lot of things for my family. A. Lot. And I don't mind doing those things at all. In fact, caring for them is my happy place. But, sometimes I wonder if my efforts are being noticed or appreciated. I need to hear praises so resentment doesn't build inside me. I know that my family would never, ever take advantage of me, but human feelings step in and overtake logic sometimes. In the past, when Josh has praised me on Facebook for something that I did for him, or praised a dinner I made, I have stored that compliment in my heart and I pull it out from time-to-time when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Just remembering the compliments makes me blush and not only continue doing every day tasks, but doing them joyfully. 

It fills my love tank.

Now, let's take Josh for example.
(Acts of Service, Quality Time)

Acts of Service: 
I was pretty clued into what he needed in this area, because he tries to serve me in this way constantly. As I mentioned before, he's the goer in our family, as in he goes to the store for forgotten groceries, decorations, and medicines in the middle of the night. I knew I could feed this language by starting his car in the mornings, making his lunch for work, packing his bag for drill, and laying out his work uniform for him so he didn't have to search for it. But what I didn't know was why this way of helping him was important, so I asked him.

Why?
"It let's me know that you have my back." I was thrilled that was his answer because I realized that he saw me not as a servant, but as a teammate. His battle buddy. His right hand gal. He isn't a trusting person at all, so it always catches me off-guard when I realize that I'm one of the handful of people that he does trust. So now when I brave the cold wind to start his car in the morning, I don't mind as much because I'm letting him know that he can count on me with big things and small.

Quality Time:
I had assumed that this language meant being around each other. So this confused me when we'd be watching a movie, because he would be sitting there scrolling through Facebook on his phone. I thought quality time meant no distractions? Did he take the test wrong? Nope. Laying around watching movies doesn't qualify as quality time to him. When I asked him what he needs in this area, he said, "Hiking, home projects, yard work, etc.." 

Why?
"I need purposeful time with you. Time that we have set aside where we're working toward a common goal, whatever that happens to be." He needs a purpose to our time together. That makes sense since he's a very logical person. Why sit around doing nothing when we can spend our time together doing something meaningful? Why not do things together and then sit back and take in the glory of our finished task together? I kind of wonder if this might be why he gets agitated when I take on large projects by myself? 

There's another question to ask him.

I hope that this has been helpful to you guys, because it helped us to sit down and hammer down what exactly our languages meant to us. If you're interested in taking the test, here is the link.

We'll talk again soon, friends!

Things I'm obsessed With: January

Hey there, friends!

It's the weekend! 
Although, since I'm a stay-at-home mom, this means nothing to me. 

*shrugs*

That's okay though. For me personally, it's always a relief when the weekend rolls around because there's fewer errands to run, and the ones that I do have to run are usually fun ones.

Anyways, back to the matter at hand.

It feels like it's been forever since I've done a Things I'm Obsessed With post, so I figured I would start fresh this year.

This month I've been obsessed with:

The Piano 

I've always wanted to learn how to play the piano. I mostly remember how to read sheet music from being a choir nerd in school, but it's very different singing a note versus playing it on an instrument. So far, I can handle a song with one flat or sharp, but obviously I do my best in the key of C. You know, enough for it to seem like a cool party trick. I've learned a few beginner classics like Fur Elise, Pachelbel Canon, Greensleeves, and the the beginning of Let It Go. because when you have a three year old daughter, that's going to be a request.
I'm currently learning this song though!

My favorite show!

Makeup

I've always worn makeup, but for the most part, I've never played with makeup.
Yes, you can do that as an adult. 
I've been experimenting with different brands, cream vs powder blush, and I've finally learned how to fill in my eyebrows. 
Yes, ladies, it makes a difference and completes a look. 
End of story, Amen.
I've worn Neutrogena mineral powder foundation for forever, but I hate paying almost $13 a month to buy it. But recently, I've discovered Rimmel cosmetics and so far, I'm in LOVE.

Right now I'm using:

FInd it here.

Find it here.

 

 

 

I got the Stay Matte because it was recommended by a beauty YouYuber (more about that in a moment.) Usually my face isn't shiny in the wintertime because it's too busy flaking off to be able to produce shine. But I'm using so much moisturizer right now that I have to neutralize that somehow.
I eventually want to branch out to other products in the brand, but for now I need to use up what I have in my stash.

YouTube

When Sawyer is doing his workbooks during school, I have to have something going on in the background because I'd go crazy otherwise. So I put in my ear buds and turn on my favorite channels. At the moment, my favorites are all British. I've watched them so much that I've found myself almost speaking with a British accent.
Three of the channels I've been watching are:

Tanya Burr-

 

 

Her channel has all kinds of makeup tutorials, shopping trips, and other fun things. She also does vlogs where you can watch her go on random adventures around London.
You can find her channel here.

Zoella-

 She's honest, quirky, hilarious, and glamorous, all rolled into one. She also has beauty videos, as well as a vlog channel. 
You can find her channel here.

And last but not least, 
Louise from Sprinkle of Glitter.

She is absolutely my favorite because I can relate to her the most. She has a husband and a child, and is shaped more like me, so I can  look at her fashion and be inspired. And she is absolutely lovely and hilarious, plus, her best friend is Zoella, and their videos together have me in stitches.
You can find her channel here. 

These three ladies have changed my perspective about what being a woman is about. They're pretty much awesomesauce.

Fashion


Most of you who know me are "Whaaaat?"  I know, it shocked me, too. In fact, it kind of snuck up on me. It started when I styled my niece for a dance that she went to. As I went from store to store putting items of clothing together, I found that even though I was tired and "hangry", I was enjoying the challenge. It just kind of grew from there. Then I bought a few clothing items that are not my norm, loved them, and I was hooked from then on. I tend to like more classic pieces that can be worn together and are comfortable. 

 

With a little bit of nerd thrown in for good measure...

 You can find more of my style, plus all of the websites where these looks are on my fashion Pinterest board.



Chapstick

It's winter. Lip chap (as Josh calls it) is an essential. I have to be careful about what lipsticks and chapsticks I use, because most products dry my lips out quickly. I don't know why, but it's a sad, sad truth. 

My go to is 

It's not pretty, it doesn't smell nor taste yummy, and it doesn't have any color or shine to it, but it works. 
Really, it's pointless for me to buy anything else, but I always do because well, I'm an addict. 
Recently I also bought a three pack that has the Blistex Deep Renewal, Silk and Shine, and Lip Vibrance in it. They all suck the moisture out of my lips by the end of the day (I think that's a Heather thing, not a Blistex thing) but they each have a different purpose in my beauty routine, so they're keepers! I've used Silk and Shine since I got it in my Christmas stocking in high school. I think it pairs well with a smokey eye because it has a subtle shimmer that enhances your natural lip color. I love it!

Alrighty, that wraps up my January obsessions, y'all! I hope each of you have found something to obsess over on this list! 

Have great weekend!

-Heather
 

Mommy's Gone Crazy

Some people think that since I stay home with our kids and we homeschool, that I have all of the time in the world to get myself and the kids ready, schooled, and the house clean, complete with a hot meal on the table for the hubby when he walks in at 5:30 every evening. 

Honestly, that's what my plan is every morning when I wake up and my feet hit the floor. 

However, that isn't how it plays out most days. 

 This truth had never been more real to me until yesterday when I had an unexpected knock on the door at 2:30 on the afternoon.

 You see, I had decided to rearrange everything in my living room that morning during our school hours. Terrible mistake mind you, but I'm impatient and only have a small amount of time on my hands to do luxurious things such as moving furniture and wall hangings, which subsequently means sweeping thousand of crayons and cat toys out from where the couch had been, plus dusting all of the pictures that I had taken down.
 The living room was still in the throws of upheaval and since I knew I was going to be sweaty and dusty, I didn't bother showering that morning. 

Gross, but logical. 

I had just moved the fish tank from the kitchen table (which had newspapers and paint scattered all over it from finishing up a pinewood derby car) to the bookshelf and had sloshed about half of the tank water all over my chest. I don't know how many of you have or have had goldfish, but they are dirty little creatures.
Picture me standing in the middle of the wrecked living room, complete with hammers, crayon piles, and wires everywhere looking back-and-forth  from the messy table to the fish tank to my shirt which now smelled like a green pond on a hot day. 

I just knew then and there that I was over that day and bedtime needed to come in the next thirty minutes for everyone's sake. 

Then I looked at the clock and it was only 2 in the afternoon. 

*sigh*

So I came to grips with myself and trudged into the bedroom to change my shirt. I dug through the laundry baskets full of the clothes I hadn't folded and put away from the day before and found an acceptable ratty shirt to wear for the next couple of hours. I still smelled like fish tank, but I knew I was going to shower soon, so I brushed it off.  As I looked around our bedroom, I quickly remembered that it was Monday, which meant it was a big laundry day, so I found all of the hampers and dumped them in the only clean part of the floor in the living room so I could sort them. 

I like to add more chaos when I can.

I got my huge laundry piles separated and was passing through the kitchen on my way to the laundry room when I spied wadded up, half chewed pieces of bread all over the kitchen floor. Being the attention deficit person that I am, I set down the laundry load to pick up the  bits of bread. I would have put them in the the trash, except it seemed that I am the only one who's trash bag changing skills are exemplary enough to accomplish such a feat, therefore everyone leaves the job to me. It's an honor, really. So I changed and took out the trash. As I went to get under the kitchen sink to get a new trash bag, I realized that the sink was now overflowing with dishes that the stupid past me didn't do the night before, nor that morning. So I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and started it, only to realize that there were still dishes left because our dishwasher is half the size of normal ones. 

 I debated  for about one second about washing the rest by hand, but screw that, I didn't exactly feel like it. 

 I was making my way to my bathroom to finally get my shower when, *knock, knock, knock*

 I looked around at my living room which was in shambles before, but now had three new piles of laundry in the floor as well as a puddle from the fish tank. Then I panned to the kitchen which still had dirty dishes, an empty trash can sitting in the middle of it, and the laundry basket brimming with clothes sitting on the sticky counter.

And finally, I looked at myself, wearing pink fuzzy pajama pants, an I'll fitting, ratty shirt, and my hair was half up, half down because I had gotten in caught on a nail in the wall as I was bending over. 

Plus I smelled like fish water still. 

This next part happened in slow mode in my eyes. 

I saw Sawyer start to open his mouth. I knew what was going to happen next. He was going to yell across the room that someone was at the door, as if I wasn't already aware.

I leaped as gracefully and as quietly as I could to the kitchen table to cover his mouth before he made a sound. 

It had to have been thrilling to be a fly on the wall at this moment.   It was as if I swooped in like an eagle to hush him and usher him into the bedroom to get out of view of the front window. 

It was there, hunkered down in the floor of our dark bedroom, trying to stay quiet, that I realized I had hit a new low.
Sawyer looked up and said with fear in his eyes, "Are we in danger?" 

At this point, the lady (who I didn't know) had left and I assured Sawyer that we were safe and explained why mommy went psycho. 

I eventually got everything sorted and cleaned (including myself) by the time Josh got home. I would have told him about my day, but I don't know if he could empathize as well as my friends, so I just didn't bother, and now I'm telling y'all in the hopes that you can.

The moral of the story here is: Always call me an hour before you come over, if you do show up unannounced, be prepared for this kind of scenario when you get here, and always tackle big projects on the weekend. 

Happy, Tuesday, friends! May it be better than your Monday!