New Year Resolutions

Yep, it's that time of year, when we all reflect on the happenings of the year that is now dwindling to its close.
I've never been a resolution type of gal, mainly because I can't stand the thought of not completing my goals.
But, with age comes wisdom, and I realize now that any progress towards a goal is just that... progress.
Progress means growth, it means change.

So, here it is, my resolutions list for 2015.

1. Stop pleasing everyone else
This sounds like a selfish resolution, doesn't it? And it kind of is to be honest. It's mostly aimed towards my marriage, which makes it seem even more awful. But somewhere along the way, instead of being a wife to Josh, I turned into a mother. I pick up his laundry, I make his sandwiches, I make sure he has everything he needs before he leaves the house. Simply speaking,  I've lumped him in with the kiddos. Not on purpose, but it happened nonetheless. On top of that, I consider his opinion far too much on certain  topics. I won't buy clothes if I don't think he'll like them. I won't buy certain foods if I don't think he'll eat them. It goes on and on. These are thing he doesn't care about, and these are things that won't actually effect him if purchased, but would send me over the moon if I bought.
So, next year, if I like it, I buy it.
And he can take care of his smaller needs on his own, because he never asked me to do those things in the first place, and I have enough to take care of. 

2. Stop apologizing all the time
I apologize constantly. The apologies are sincere, but unnecessary. I didn't realize it until I went back to work and coworkers mentioned it. But now I have, and I hate it, so I'm working on it. 

3. Be healthy
This does not mean losing 30lbs or running a half marathon. It means making good choices in food, drinking water, drinking tea more often than coffee, and physically exerting myself by doing things that make my body feel good. I'm not doing this to look good, I'm doing it to feel good. 

4. Be a storybook mom
I'm a cranky mom. I am. I'm strict, and I yell... a lot. I haven't always been this way, but I am now, and this is not how I want my kids to remember me, and this is not how I want them to learn what kind of parent to be. I want to be the kind of mom you see in the Nick Jr shows, who have soft voices, move gently, and let their kids make tough choices on their own, after getting sound wisdom nuggets, rather than trying to control everything.

Which brings me to...

4. Make magic
I want to be intentional in my parenting. My kids will only be this little once. I want to see wonder and amazement in their eyes, and as their mom, I have the power to make that happen.
And I'm going to.

5. No gossip
This one is pretty self explanatory. 

6. Read the entire Bible
Eventually I will study the entire Bible, but for now, I just want to know what's going on. I hear people telling stories about this person and that person, and I don't know who they're talking about or what story it is. So now I'm going to find out. 

7. Be in nature more
I used to hang out in the woods constantly as a child. Now I'm only outside if I'm doing yard work. Nature brings me peace and clarity, something I had forgotten until I went hunting with the hubs recently. I loved just sitting there watching everything. I want more of that. 

8. Read one book a month
I'm not a reader. I just never have been. It takes too much time and I have the attention span of a gnat. But I want to love reading, so I feel like this resolution may help me in that endeavor. 

9. Pay off credit card
We hit a rough patch over the last few years and we turned to the plastic devil known as the credit card to help get us through. We have less credit card debt than some people, but we want none. So we'll be busting it to get rid of mine. 

10. Start a YouTube channel
I've been approached in the past to start making trial-and-error videos of me crafting or baking (because when things go wrong, I can be dramatic and comical about it), so I've finally decided that this is the year to try it out.
Josh and I have also toyed with the idea of making videos of us singing together, but that will take some time to hammer our those details. I make no promises, but hopefully this will work out. 

11. Speak like an adult
Okay, parents, you'll relate to this one. When your kids start talking and learning new vocabulary, you start speaking like them. Toilet will turn into potty, thumb tack will turn into pokey, and you will start speaking in a tone that makes you sound like you're auditioning for a Disney movie. Other adults won't understand and the shrill, cartoon voice will begin to grate on your own nerves. I'm putting a stop to this now. 

And finally, 12. Get ready first thing in the morning
I tend to shower and change clothes right before I have somewhere to be. Sometimes this means I don't get dressed until 3 in the afternoon. That's gross. My day starts as soon as my feet hit the floor and I don't have time to get dolled up right away. But I feel better when I do! So I'm going to make time. 

Whew! I had a longer list than I realized, but it's a list that will help better me as a person, so it's totally worth it.

I would love to hear what some of your resolutions are! You can comment here or share with me on my Facebook page! 

Find it HERE!

Crunchy Peanut Butter

"Can we please get cruchy peanut butter this time?"
"Crunchy peanut butter? When did you start liking that?"
"What do you mean? It's always been my preference."
"Then why do we buy smooth?"
"Because you hate crunchy?"
"No! I hate smooth. Crunchy is my favorite, too."
"The last 8 years have been a lie!"

Folks, this was a conversation that Josh and I had at the grocery store this summer.

Eight whole years of buying smooth peanut butter, just to please the other person (or so we thought.)

Some may view this as a sweet moment between us where we sacrificed our own happiness to make sure the other person got what we thought they wanted.

I see this as more of a communication break down between us.

This isn't the first time this has happened.
You see, there have been many times throughout the last few years that we've run across the truth about what the other person likes.

We don't know how this miscommunication happens, but I think it comes down to the kind of people that Josh and I are. We like to please the people that we care about.

Let us go back to the summer of 2005, when Josh and I were just dating. At the time, he liked what I now refer to as "whiny girl music", but is actually called the  emo or screamo genre.

I hate it. It makes me cringe.

I can say that now. Back then, however, I wanted him to like me, so I thought I needed to submerge myself into all of the stuff that he liked. Whether it was his music, style choices, or food choices.

I've always been this person, and so has he. We have our own opinions, but for the sake of any relationship, we tend to keep that to ourselves.

Fast forward to 2014, we are far more comfortable with who we actually are as individuals.

I can tell him that I prefer country music, or that I would rather sit at home and craft with a sappy movie on than go to a concert.

I think that happens to everyone our age, whether they're in a relationship or not.

Our 20's are meant to be the time where we're finding ourselves.
At eighteen (the age Josh and I were when we met), you think you know who you are.
At least until you finally have your own place and you have to stock your refrigerator for the first time.
(I had no idea what I actually liked to eat. I only knew what I could make out of the ingredients in other people's fridges.)

Then, as you get older, there are more specific points where you finally say, "I don't like ____, so why am I doing ____, or buying ____, or hanging out with ____.

It's wonderful and liberating.

But, it's also confusing. Like when you're married and you realize how much YOU'VE changed, you then begin to wonder how much YOUR SPOUSE  has changed as well. It brings forth interesting conversations.

Like what kind of peanut butter you actually like.

As Josh and I approach our 9 years anniversary in less than a month, we've been reflecting on our first 5 years together.
They were hard and although there were fun times, it was more work than anything. We were learning about ourselves and each other (without the falsities in place), adulthood, and how a healthy marriage should work, all while taking care of 401ks, babies, and a mortgage. 

Whew! It was exhuasting!

But now, 4 years later, we know the other one so well, that even as we grow and change as individuals, we know that the other one will be right alongside for the ride and will enjoy (almost) every moment of it.

It's a great time of life for our marriage. It's a comfortable, safe, well-oiled machine. We have put in the work and have the experience, so now, we can sit back and take on life together.

The moral of the story, friends, is that nothing good comes easily. Marriage takes work, determination, love, faith, grace, and forgiveness.

It takes open conversations, honesty, and flexibility.

For your spouse to truly love you, then need to know who you are in that moment, even if who you are changes down the road.

Enjoy the growth. It's what makes us continue to be interesting. It's what fans my flames when I see Josh take up a new hobby or see him assert himself over an issue I didn't even know he was passionate about.

Whew, am I on fire for that man!
*fans self*

Embrace who you are and embrace who you are becoming.

Then do the same for your spouse.

Then bring me some crunchy Peanut butter, because now I'm hungry.

Picture source: http://www.seriouseats.com/2010/09/quiz-how-much-do-you-know-about-peanut-butter.html

Am I Good Enough?

 I woke up this morning after a terrible night's sleep. As I groggily scrolled through my Facebook feed, a gorgeous exotic looking woman's face showed up suddenly. 

She had friended my husband on Facebook. 

Let me put this out here now. I absolutely trust my husband and he has every single right and liberty to add whoever he wants on Facebook. He has never, ever given me any reason to be paranoid about what he's up to. He loves me and treats me like I'm the only woman on this Earth. 

So why, when I saw that he had added her, did every single insecurity that I have ever had about myself instantly creep into my mind and make me not doubt him, but myself?

I have absolutely no idea. That's why I'm writing this. I know I'm not alone in this. 

Our husbands at one point decided (consciously) that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with us and (subconsciously) that our genes would make awesome babies together (which we were right about if I say so myself.) 

My husband is included in this universal gathering of hormones, pheromones, and decisions, so why do I feel threatened? 

I think that it has nothing to do with our marriage. 

I think that it has everything to do with feeling like I can't live up to the stereotype of what the perfect woman is. 

Immediately, my thoughts were "Wow, she has really great clothes and look at that body! Her skin tone is gorgeous and flawless. How does she manage to not have bags under her eyes? And holy crap! Her eyebrows are perfectly symmetrical!"

Then it went a little deeper and I thought, "I bet she's a great decorator. She's probably a lot of fun, too. She probably bakes often and would make a romantic Saturday breakfast meat bouquet for her man. And she went to college according to her about-me page. I couldn't even finish one semester."

I stopped myself at that point and made a mental note of all of the areas that I could improve in: fitness, home keeping, romance, hair, makeup, education, and broadening my interest category beyond parenting and Dr. Who. 

I then caught the mess of myself in the mirror backsplash in the kitchen and said outloud to myself, "Goof grief, you look terrible. You suck and you need to try harder." 

Wait, what?

I'm typically certain of my strengths and since I've had insecurity issues in the past, I try really hard to affirm to myself the good qualities that God blessed me with to bring into the world. 

And it usually works. 

But this morning I gave myself a mental beating and it felt horrible. 

So, my question is, why do we women do this to ourselves? I obviously can look at one picture of a woman who looks put together and discern that she is an amazing woman who is capable of far more than I am, even though I know nothing about her. Then, I am able destroy myself in less than 10 minutes because of this imaginary life I have assigned to her. 

I am a person who assumes that what I see is what I get, because that is how I am. Anyone who knows me, knows this is true. I apply this to blogs that I read, pictures that I see, pins that I pin. 

I forget sometimes that a picture only tells party of a story. 

That blog post could have been written and re-written to put the best of that person's story out for the world to see. 

That that pin of that perfect recipe or craft may have started with cake thrown at a wall or acquiring blisters from hot glue guns. 

I forget these things. 

I know them, but I forget them. 

I think that why insecurities creep up like they do, because we forget that we're all humans. 

We forget that this world is a collection if beautiful messes. 

As I sit on my porch, I'm looking around at all of God's perfect imperfections. 

The spiderweb that is glistening with dew that at first glance is beautiful, in fact, has  crooked webbing and holes in it. 

The mountain in the distance is full of dips and crevices, not perfectly smooth like it seems from miles away. 

The maple tree with it's leaves changing across the street has broken branches, twisting limbs, and perfectly symmetrical eyebrows. 

Just kidding. I wanted to see if you were still paying attention. 

My point is, all of these beautiful creations are beautiful because they are imperfect. They would all be so boring if they looked the same, and in fact, their flaws are what made them stand out and be noticed in the first place!

That's my take away. 

My husband chose me because I was different. My flaws are endearing to him or he was so floored by the good things I'm capable of, that he never noticed the flaws in the first place. 

Thank you, friends for letting me write out my thought process yet again, and I hope that this helps any of you that are having a morning like mine. 

Until next crisis,

Heather