Shower Psychotherapy

I would like to think I'm a fairly confident person. I state my opinion and stand by it, I have no problem talking with strangers, I LOVE public speaking, I have never backed down from a fight that was worth fighting, and most of the time I love the person that I'm becoming.

Now I can honestly say that all of this flies out the window when it comes to my marriage.

We have a great  marriage, don't get me wrong. Josh never makes me feel like I'm not good enough... I do that to myself.




Some days Josh is quiet and grumpy, mostly in the mornings. He's not a morning person. Of course, 90% of the time he's just trying to wake up or he's going over his to-do list in his head.

But do I ever just leave it at that in my head?

Hell no...

I come up with ridiculous scenarios about what's "really" going on in his head.

Josh was having a quiet morning and so I texted him asking what was wrong and what I could do to make it better. I was feeling horrible because he was upset about something.

Here was my conversation with myself in the shower this morning after not getting an immediate reply from him...

"Okay, he was grumpy this morning.
He was probably just tired.
But what if he wasn't?
Oh God, what am I doing wrong?
Okay, think. 
Was I yelling this morning? No?
Okay, moving on.
Was it because I've lost my spunk that he used to love?
I mean I have... but it's because I've matured, right?
Oh no! Are we growing apart?
No, no... We still have similar interests. We're fine on that front.
Right?
Shut up, Heather. Move on....
Okay, is he tired of me waking up in yoga pants and Star Wars shirts?
Arrgh! I've become "that" wife in the mornings!
I need to be sexier.
No, scratch that. I love my sleep.
I'll just start slapping some mascara on and brush my hair in the mornings.
Close enough.
*gasp*
Is it because I'm being a poser by wearing a Star Wars shirt when I've never seen all the movies?
I would be pissed if he wore a Dr. Who shirt when I knew he couldn't appreciate the deeper meaning of the show.
No... He's a Trekkie... That's not it.
Is it because I've put weight back on?
Okay, I need to start running again. I was getting in great shape and then I quit.
I quit everything I start.
Crap, is it because I'm a quitter?
Does that make him think I'm a commitment-phobe?
Well, I'm not. I'll show him. I'll kick his ass at getting in shape.
Gosh- I'm out of breath just from taking a shower.
But that's because I smoke- not because I'm out of shape.
Is it because I've started smoking more?
Okay, if that's it, he'll just have to deal.
Gosh my legs are pale.
When he married me I was so tan.
Maybe he misses me being super dark. I looked healthier.
Okay, I'll put more self tanner on.
Wait, will that make me orange?
Eh- worth a shot.
Crap, does he have clean work pants?
Maybe that's it!
Well, if that's it, he can wash his own damn clothes.
Oh, that was so mean of me.
I'll go start a load of laundry when I get out of the shower.
Is it another woman?
No, Heather. He wouldn't do that.
*giggles* If there ever were another woman, she can deal with him in the mornings.
I need to paint my nails.
I'll never be super feminine.
Maybe that's what he wants.
Nah, he likes a natural looking girl in t-shirts and jeans.
But he DID try and get me to buy dresses and heels once.
Did he want to see me in that, or did he think I would enjoy it?
Add to to-do list: get sundress and cowboy boots. A good compromise.
I need to figure out what's for dinner.
You know- I haven't been cooking like I used to.
Men love food. Does he feel like I don't love him if I don't feed him well?
Nah, I didn't cook when we first got married and he knew I loved him.
What the heck is it?
*hears my text message tone*
I bet that's him.
*turns off shower and goes to look at phone*
This is it, Heather. Moment of truth."
 *looks*

"I'm good now. Just need some wake up. Love you!"

Seriously?

No... I know I am.... And this proves it to anyone who doubted.

Recipe: Potato Soup

I found this recipe on Food.com awhile ago. Potato soup was a staple in out house growing up. It's what I call poor man's soup. The recipe that my mom used when I was little left much to be desired, so I was hesitant when trying out this recipe.

However, since it calls for cream cheese instead of milk and cheese, it's so much more filling. I've given this recipe out to SO many people -- bachelors, college students, families who are large, families who are in a hurry, families who are on a tight budget -- and they've all loved it. I've decided to share in my potato soup wealth and pass this along on my blog as well.

Credit

 POTATO SOUP

4 Cups chicken broth (I use 4 cups water and 4 chicken bullion cubes because it's cheaper)

4 Cups peeled and cubed potatoes

1/4 cups minced onions

1/2 tsp seasoning salt

1/4 tsp pepper

1/4 ground red pepper

1 package cream cheese cubed

1) Combine broth, onion, potatoes, and spices.

2) Boil on medium heat until potatoes are tender.

3) Smash a few potatoes to release the starches for thickening.

4)Reduce to low heat.

5) Add  cream cheese.

6) Heat, stirring often until cheese melts

Add shredded cheese, bacon bits for garnish

Serve with Italian bread or crackers and enjoy!

This is a frequent rotation in our menu planning. It's cheap and filling-- just like I like it!

Happy noshing!
Heather

Things I'm Obsessed With: Stress Relief Edition

Okay, before we get to the fun stuff, I need to preface this post with why I'm doing a stress relief post. The diagnosis for my mom (read my last post) is moderate Alzheimer's. Medicaid is being unfair, so Mom isn't able to be placed in a home anytime soon. So, right now she's living with me. She basically has a little apartment in the back of my house where she has her own space. That makes it easier when she's having an episode because I can ask her to go to her room until she's calmed down. She can't be left alone... ever.... so I'm stuck at my house 90% of the time. That's fine because spring is coming and the kids and I can go hang out in the yard to get some time to ourselves. It's going well most of the time, but there are a few things that I'm doing to relieve some of the stress that occasionally pops up. So here we are- Things I'm Obsessed With: Stress Edition

1) Phantom of the Opera

 Sofia and I have been watching the Broadway version on Netflix for days. She's been getting pretty good at singing the tune and everyone in the house has had the songs stuck in their heads for days. (You're welcome, household!) There's just something soothing about this love story. The love, the opportunity, the tragedy.... It's just so easy to get lost in.

2) The Ellen Show

 We don't have cable or satellite,  so I have to watch clips on Youtube, but that's okay by me! She's so positive and just loves everyone. She's a great example of the person I want to be. It gives me something to focus on and strive for. I sit back and soak in the comedy and touching moments. She's a great stress reliever.

3) Southern Living/ Country Living Magazines

One day, Josh and I are going to build our dream house. Until that day, I'm poring through these two magazines looking for floor plans/ decorating ideas/ gardening ideas/ etc... I tear the pages out that are useful and put them in my Homemaker's Bible (a binder for meal plans, cleaning schedules, bill paying schedules, recipes, pantry lists, etc...) for reference later. I get inspired and it gives me something to look forward to in our future after the chaos passes.

4) Jasmine/ Rose Essential Oils
According to my essential oils desk reference book, these oils are perfect for depression and mental clarity. They help stimulate calm and cognitive abilities. I diffuse them occasionally and I also put  a drop of Jasmine behind Mom's ears very morning. She has moments of hopelessness where she feels like she can't take it anymore. I can't make her feel better. I just can't. Her delusions are so real to her that there's no way of talking her down during them. At this point, I'm willing to try any unconventional treatments (that don't affect her medication she's prescribed, of course) to try and help any way I can.

5) Organization

Last Sunday, I tore my house apart going on a cleaning and organizing frenzy. Unfortunately, before I could finish, we moved Mom in, so the house is still disorganized. Chaos stresses me almost to the point of insanity. If I know that there's anywhere  in my house that isn't straightened, I feel like I always have something that needs to get done. I don't ever relax. Josh and I gave Isaiah his own room which means that Sawyer had to move in with Sofia. Imagine how many toys got squeezed into that room. And Sawyer doesn't want Sofia touching his stuff, but his stuff is EVERYWHERE. We are still figuring out exactly what organizing tools we need to get that room straightened up and we're getting them bunkbeds to alleviate space issues. Can we say cha-ching? I see our savings dwindling away, but it helps the house run smoothly, so it must be done.

6) Our New Bed and Mattress

We finally caved and bought a king-sized bed. We've been sleeping on a full size for almost 8 years. When both kids come to snuggle at night, Josh and I end up hanging off the edges of the mattress and we're tired and sore the next day. We scoured Harrison and finally found GREAT deal on an Ashley bed frame and THE perfect mattress. They'll be coming in this week and I can't wait. It will be a fantastic escape at the end of the day.




7) Cake Pops
Let's be real.... sweets are my go to when I'm stressed. It sucks, but I won't deny myself. At the store last night I discovered that they sell pre-made  cake pops! Normally, I would make them myself (you guys know me) however, a barely have time to cook an actual meal-- let alone something unnecessary. They're on the frozen food aisle and the box said to thaw before serving. Obviously those people are stupid because cake and icing is ALWAYS better when frozen. 



8) Running
This is an indulgent goody that I haven't been able to do in awhile. I started the C25k program last fall and had to quit for 6 weeks because I got pneumonia. Well, by the time I could run again, it was cold and I didn't want to. I was going to start again this spring, but since Josh has such a sporadic schedule and I can't leave Mom alone, we've been trying to figure out how I can get my running in. We're checking out treadmills. I would prefer to run outside, but again, with the mom situation and Josh being gone next year, I have to either treadmill it, or do nothing. Well, I'm fat and cranky, so treadmill it is!


Here you have it.... The things I'm doing or am trying to accomplish to help relieve stress for all people in our house. We'll get there one day at a time. This is just and adjustment period, right? Right.

Please continue to send positive vibes and prayers our way. Things are looking better than they did two weeks ago, so they can only keep going up!

Happy stress-free Monday!
Heather